the hopeful ~jolene siana~

20

2010-01-27T01:04:00.000-05:00

21

2010-01-26T22:25:00.001-05:00

i remember...

2009-06-26T13:57:00.000-04:00

I have a few memories of Michael Jackson. The first being that I had a huge crush on him when I was a kid and used to watch him on the Jackson 5 Variety Show. It was then that my mother told me that if I ever chose to marry a black man that would be ok with her.

The second memory I have of Michael Jackson is when I was working at the restaurant Victoria Station at Universal Studios in Los Angeles.

He was in a wheelchair, wearing an Indian Sari and holding a child on his lap. I made awkward eye contact with him as he struggled to wheel his way out of the ladies room. He ordered “Jesus Juice” and ate chicken wings. A waiter named Tony Sanjeev called him out and asked him for his autograph. His manager pulled him aside and asked for his name and address. Within a few days Tony had his signed, glossy 8x10 from Michael.

I know I haven’t posted anything on my blog in a very long time. I plan to write more. I’ve been a little overwhelmed. Had emergency abdominal surgery last week, which, I will post about soon. Am healing fast and feeling great.

~j

RIP Michael Jackson & Farrah Fawcett.

Simon & The Candy Bar

2009-03-30T23:30:00.003-04:00

I recently went through my things and found some old writings. This must have been a class assignment. It was titled “My Weakness”. I have no recollection of writing this.
And if it isn’t apparent enough…I had an eating disorder and I was obsessed with Duran Duran. I was probably 15 when I wrote this.

***

I thought that meeting Simon LeBon would be the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. Was I ever wrong! Actually, it wasn’t all bad.

We met in Paris. I was sitting down by a water fountain and he just came over to me and introduced himself. We talked a bit and then he offered me a candy bar. I couldn’t accept it because I was on a diet and I told him so. He then told me about this, “NEW NO CALORIE FOOD COMPANY” I asked him what it was and he said that it’s a new food company that makes delicious no calorie food. I told him I didn’t believe it and he swore on his life so I accepted the candy bar. I ate it with no guilt. Then he gave me the address to the company. I then went there to see for myself what he was talking about.

I opened the door and I saw tons of mouth watering “fattening” food. There were various ice creams, cookies and cakes, tacos, hamburgers, French fries and chicken McNuggets. I was freaking out. Above all of these foods I saw a sign stating that all of the foods were calorie free. I was so gullible that I started eating everything in sight. I had not one feeling of guilt. It was wonderful. I did this for a week straight. Non-stop. I then grew tired and I thought I would take a bath and go to bed. (As soon as I got home, that is.)

Anyway, I filled the tub with nice, soothing water and tried to get in but something was wrong. I didn’t fit. I tried with all my might but it didn’t work. I thought, “I couldn’t have gained any weight”. So, I stepped on the scale confirm to it to myself but to much of my surprise, the scale broke. I went into hysterics. My pants split and my shirt too. I must’ve weighed 500 pounds. I went to the doctor and he said that there was no way possible to lose the excess weight. Since I couldn’t do anything about my condition I thought I’d get Simon back since he tricked me. So I went to his house and sat on him.

the proposal

2009-03-28T17:15:00.001-04:00

experiment in patience

2009-03-13T13:00:00.001-04:00

I’ve been doing a little experiment lately. I’ve been trying to hold the door open for people, even if they’re two steps behind me and I have to wait for them. Part of the reason is because I need to practice my patience, and the other is sort of a social experiment. I like to watch the reactions of the people I’m holding the door for. I would say that about 2/3 of the people thank me. The other 1/3 of the people just brush on by.

I can’t believe it’s March already. This year is breezing by… I’ve been working like crazy…working on my book proposal and I’m just two pages shy of completing it. Will post some pages soon!

unreality

2009-02-13T12:32:00.001-05:00

I have no idea what lead to my bizarre dreams last night.
Here is a quick stream of conscious playback.

***
It involved a beautiful moon, that I wasn't able to photograph it because
I was actually at the service bar and the obnoxious waiter, who was wearing a
referee uniform, was in the way. I was working in this very large
building with a very strange design and Slipknot was sitting in a
decorated cage on the second floor doing a meet and greet and I was
making out with this guy I used to work with and I was at my
grandparents old house trying to hide my bike so that no one would
steal it and I left a bag of mine with my very nice, very expensive
camera on the stairs in the subway station and it was still there when
I went back hours later.

PS. And the guy I was making out with had a really slimy back and it was very distracting.

the P word.

2009-02-10T01:56:00.002-05:00

I keep trying to write the 25 random things but then I stop because I feel like it would be a list of things that annoy me. Not that I’m in a bad place at the moment because I am definitely not but I always seem to let out my quirks and idiosyncrasies through writing.

Anyway, my friend Kitty says that those types of lists are self-indulgent and I guess I see why she feels that way but…maybe later.

So the past few days have been strange. Yesterday I went up to a guest at work who was on his mobile phone and I kindly said, “I’m sorry sir but phones are not allowed” and he said, “Oh really? So I have to listen to the prick (yes, he said the P word) behind me yelling at his girlfriend but I can’t talk on my phone” and I apologize and say, “well, I wasn’t here when that was happening otherwise I could have addressed it and please, don’t use that language with me” and I walked away and communicated the situation with my manager…I tell her about the entitled jerk and his usage of the P word. I freakin’ hate that word and also feel that you should not use that kind of language to any type of service person. I’m not being a little princess by saying that. I use the F word. A lot. But I know where it’s appropriate. Anyway…my manager goes up to the guest and tells him that he is not allowed to use his phone in the lounge. (There are designated areas and it’s a rule that the club members voted for, not us). He says that someone was speaking loudly on one side of him and mentions once again, the man behind him and my manager coolly says, “If you had told your waitress, I would have gladly taken care of that but I’m sorry, no phones are allowed” and he says, “I’m a founding member!!!” And she says, “Then you know the rules” He throws another hissy fit and asks for his check and then makes sure he tells the receptionist that he has just been, “ostracized” and again, uses the P word and leaves. Jerko.

See, all the wonderful things I could say about the weekend and I choose to tell you about idiots.

Did anyone watch 60 minutes? I am so crushing on Sully.

anger, entitlement and other annoying things...

2009-02-05T12:16:00.000-05:00

I wanted to share my thoughts about the whole Christian Bale freak out. I don’t care to completely dissect the incident or dig into his psychology or argue with people who are defending his behavior. No one is perfect. We all have our breaking points, but seriously, having such a crybaby fit, at that age, in any industry, is uncalled for in my opinion.

“I’m gonna kick your ass?” How OLD are you? For fun, let’s just say that the DP Shane Hurlbut is the most unprofessional and incompetent DP ever. Let’s say that whatever he did on the set that day was incredibly uncalled for. How does one resolve this?

Does one, A. Completely lose your shit by throwing a HUGE fit. Act as if you are the most important person to exist and that your job at hand is much more significant than anyone’s job ever and make this known by name calling and threatening physical violence.

Or, B. Take a deep breath. Use your words…announce that you need a moment, speak to your colleagues and calmly say that his behavior is so unprofessional and distracting that you just can’t do your job properly.

I know it’s my personal imprinting that affects my strong opinion of these kinds of outbursts. I grew up in a household with someone who at times had no filter. Got extremely angry over simple things. I’ve found ways over the years on how to deal with this by detaching. It’s not so difficult once you train yourself.

Once many years ago when I was a waitress at an LA restaurant a man got upset because his nachos were taking too long. The bar got very busy at a point and yes, the nachos took much longer than they should have. These things happen. He asked for his check, which also took a moment. I processed his credit card and he signed it. I was totally floored when I found what he had written in the space where the tip should have been.

No tip. You’re worthless.

Wow! Amazing that this man felt that I had no worth because he had to wait for his nachos and check. My boyfriend at the time was sitting at the bar and I showed him. He said that that is considered harassment. I showed my manager who said that the man was now in the restaurant with his family. I found him at the salad bar. I held up the receipt and said, “Sir, this is harassment” and I walked away. A few minutes later he came up to me in the bar and apologized to me. He handed me $5 and explained to me that he is diabetic and that he hadn’t eaten so he got cranky. Yeah, ok. How about you prepare for this? If you’re a diabetic who needs to eat ASAP you could inform me and I could bring you some bread or orange juice or both even and I could even tell the kitchen to rush your order. It’s unbelievable the things that happen when you simply ASK for them.

I was in my 20’s when that happened. Not quite detached yet. If that happened now I wouldn’t waste my time by finding the guy in the restaurant. I would just let it go.

Just last week a man came up to me while I was putting in an order at the computer. He asked if he could order some drinks. I said, “Sure, I’ll be right over”. He asked if he could just tell me now (meaning then of course) and I said, “sure”. He ordered a Grey Goose Gimlet on the rocks. He ordered a Stoli Vanilla and club soda for a friend and said, “Oh, I forget what the other guy had” and I said that I could look it up on the check, so I did. It was a Kettle One and tonic. He said, “Don’t give him Kettle One, give him your crap vodka”. I said, “We don’t have crap vodka” and he said, “Give him your cheapest vodka, I don’t like him. He’s not even a member” Ok. I rang in Svedka and tonic. It was this mans credit card I was holding so I did what he asked.

When I returned to the table I placed the Gimlet in front of him, the Stoli Vanilla in front of the other guy and the Svedka in front of the other guy. It turns out that both of the other drinks were wrong. The Stoli Vanilla was supposed to be with Sprite and the other drink was supposed to be Kettle One and Red Bull. So the guy with the Svedka nicely asked if he could have the correct drink. The Stoli Vanilla guy was a little pissy and said the drink order was wrong. I rang is exactly what was asked. The Gimlet guy was getting upset and he aggressively asked, “WHAT did I tell you to bring me? WHAT did I tell you to bring me?” I stood there and contemplated the repercussions v. the satisfaction of saying, “Well, actually, you asked me to bring our “crap” vodka for that guy, because you don’t like him”, But instead, I said, “excuse me one minute” and he said, “Yeah, and send someone else over”. I went to my manager to tell her what happened and he came over almost immediately. I was standing in earshot and could hear exactly what he was saying. He complained that I got his drink order wrong and then I disputed it and then asked my manager what I had told him. My manager simply cut to the chase and asked what drinks he would like and that she would bring them over. I couldn’t help snickering when he once again, ordered the Stoli Vanilla with soda, which was the wrong drink.

Loooooonnnnnng story short. People need to get over their entitlement/anger issues. Oh, the stories I have about people demanding free drinks because this or that happened. Everyone wants some sort of compensation. It’s fascinating, funny, sad and embarrassing.

calamities revisions.

2009-01-31T01:36:00.001-05:00

the man on the train who read my mind.

2009-01-31T01:32:00.000-05:00

He entered at Grand Street mumbling loudly. I hesitantly moved my bag off the seat next to me. He said, “That’s ok, thank you.” And he sat.

He carried a composition notebook and a dry erase marker. He said, "I'm going to draw my blackberry". As he flipped through the pages I read the text on a couple of pages scrawled large and in blue, "chicks" and "what do you want???". He plopped his blackberry atop the page and began to trace it as he spoke of geisha girls and mitarashi and mumbled something about waiting 5 more hours and wanting a girlfriend. He peered over my shoulder at a book I was reading and said, "That's a book about physics, isn't it? If it can go wrong, it will. We can tell our grandchildren that that's how we met. What goes up, must come down”. I was smiling inside but I didn’t want to encourage him.

A young Latina girl on the opposite side of him sneezed and he said, “God Bless” she thanked him and he said, “de nada”. Then he said that her sneeze was funny but cute. She laughed. He told her that different nationalities have different sneezes, just like language. He said, “A-Choo” and said that some nationalities carry handkerchiefs and that some nationalities definitely do not carry handkerchiefs. His cologne was very strong and I held my breath a bit. I felt he was harmless but slightly creepy. I felt that he might even be a genius. I wanted to pull out my notebook but he was too close.

We got to my stop. I sort of wanted to see his face but it felt awkward to look at him. He said “bye-bye” and I said, “Bye”. I got a look at his face. He was attractive although, a tad bit scruffy. Jim Carreyesque. As I walked off the train he called out, “water paint!”, and I thought, “yep, he’s reading my mind”

quickly composed.

2009-01-16T18:05:00.000-05:00

The ability to remain calm has never been a strength of mine so whenever I see someone who appears to be a naturally calm person I always closely observe them in hopes that I can learn from them.

I hate when I lose my shit…I’ve been practicing for many years to be more calm. Losing your shit just makes everything worse and panicky energy is contagious.

I’m just such a big fan of anyone who displays calmness, patience and composure. Chelsey Sullenberger III is a hero to me, and I know I’m not alone. There is a poll on the NY daily news website to vote for Chelsey Sullenberger III. The choices are, a key to the city, a ticker-tape parade, Congressional Medal of Honor or all of the above. I voted for all of the above.

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/01/16/2009-01-16_give_this_man_a_medal_raves_for_flying_s.html

And speaking of people that I admire, that’s one of the traits of Barack Obama that I admire. His ability to remain calm under pressure and I am SO ready for him to take office on Tuesday. I will be celebrating bigtime!

I’m so glad that everyone on yesterdays US Airways flight 1549 is alive…Hearing the stories about how everyone remained calm gives me hope for mankind. Makes me want to be nice to everyone. Makes me want to be more patient and understanding even towards the super b**** who bit my head off yesterday for telling her that she was not allowed to speak on her mobile phone in the lounge where I work at just about the same time that those 155 passengers were thanking their lucky stars to be alive.

Great interview from a surviving passenger:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,480258,00.html

Ok, gotta go.
xoxo

Calamities.

2008-11-13T18:28:00.000-05:00

Some names, locations & situations have been changed.
This is the a complete chapter from “Do You Think He Likes Me?” It’s called Calamities.

as of late...

2008-10-03T16:42:00.001-04:00

Well, at the moment I’m enjoying the rush of caffeine entering my system by way of a soy latte, which is being consumed at a charming Brooklyn Café…through the window I see the sun flickering through the leaves that blow in the wind…

I’ve been obsessively listening to the song, Race The Dream by Kill Hannah.

As you may know I love people and people watching and personalities and behavior in general. Years ago when I lived in Amsterdam I had at the time what was considered to be a mini-camcorder (it was actually the size of Chihuahua) and I took it out with me at all times and interviewed people that I met at hostels and café’s and I called this project, “World Stories” and somewhere in my storage unit those tapes exist…and perhaps some day I will be able to be able to transfer them to digital media. In the meantime I’m going to conduct new interviews with my new little flip camera. I will then upload them to my YouTube channel.

http://www.youtube.com/user/newwavepigtails

BTW…if you have a channel, please let me know. The videos I have up there at the moment are just snippits of life…more to come…more to come.

Also, I shouldn’t speak before it’s live but my new website has been designed and I’m just waiting for the wonderfully talented Ryan Scott to upload it…it might not be until next week but I’m just so excited about it and may not be around to mention it this weekend.

So, keep an eye out for the New and Improved GoAskOgre.Com.

If you happen to see it before it’s been updated you will find a very old blog from two years ago…only slightly outdated and sadly, I can’t log into that account nor am I able to delete it.

OK…gotta go.

Smoochies!

RIP

2008-09-14T22:08:00.001-04:00

Rest in Peace David Foster Wallace.

I met him once in Los Angeles at one of his book events and found him to be warm and gracious. This is so sad.

LA Times remembers DFW.

soul merchants

2008-09-04T11:18:00.001-04:00

http://www.myspace.com/soulmerchants85

I am so completely excited to find this band once again! I have searched many times without success but finally found them on Myspace. I was disappointed that the song "Just One More Favor" wasn't on their page so I checked iTunes and I almost cried when I saw it there. I purchased it immediately. It's so appealing to my melancholic sensibility. I own the album on Vinyl, which is in LA. I also have a copy of the song on tape and before I moved to NY I listened to it while driving through the desert during a road trip.

A former pen pal of mine in the 80's had introduced me to them and she was also in a band called "Nobody" and she sent me a mix tape with tons of different goth bands and also a song of hers, I believe which was also called, "Nobody" and I can still hear it in my memory. I have it on that cassette in my LA storage…

My cool ex pen-pal. I forget her name…Debbie maybe?

It's so funny how a song can haunt you. And the meaning of the lyrics…they're so ambiguous. I remember creating my own meaning to them. On the record version of the song (or was it the tape?) there was the sound of childrens' muffled laughter which was both sweet and chilling.

Here is what I transcribed for the lyrics. They could be wrong.

Just One More Favor

So silently tucked away…my dreams came to me flowing through my system once again.
Can't wait wake my sleepy head, the fun has just begun.
Adventure seeking hero sees the end (???)

The ambulance waits at the door. Please don't let them in.
I won't share my thoughts with anyone.

I'm asking one more favor.
One more favor from you.
I'm begging down on broken knees.

So silently tucked away…my dreams came to me flowing through my system once again.
Can't wait wake my sleepy head, the fun has just begun.
Adventure seeking hero sees the end (???)

I found this footage on YouTube.

You can purchase their album here:
Smooch Records

depression 85

2008-08-28T10:54:00.000-04:00

This is something I wrote just before my 15th birthday and titled, “Depression!” (note the exclamation point.) But I don’t think it’s depressing at all. What do you think?

Depression!

Try to live, try to die
Try to laugh, try to cry
Try to sing, try to dance
Try to love, to find romance
Try to share, try to care
Try for truth, try for dare
Try for friends, try for kin
Try not to lose, you’ve got to win
Try to stand, don’t try to fall
‘Cause if you do you’ll lose
(it) them all.
There’s not much choice unless you try.

There’s no room for losers,
Turn back if you must
Don’t tell any secrets, unless you can trust

You’ve got to be good
All people are
All useless people, just drift way afar
You can’t be a quitter,
Quitters get lost.
If you give up, you’ll sure find your cost
You’re here for a reason, if you did not know…
Convicted of treason? Then you must go
Life is a game, an original sport
Competition is tough, there’s no last resort
Losing’s uncalled for
Winning’s the best.

“Get ahead of the other’s…run them all down.”
“Don’t fall behind, or you’ll be the clown.”
Keep pushing and striving for this tough obstacle
Don’t run on empty, play always on full.
Don’t talk with the others, they couldn’t care less
If you get too close, there could be a mess
Just go for the gusto!
Sound familiar to you?
It’s good advice, for it’s all true.
Don’t go “exactly”, create your own style
If you’re somber and boring,
You’ll trudge your last mile

Don’t go with the flow, that’s not always right
If you go much too far, there could be a fight

Just live and live let live, look in to those words
My point is not stupid and not quite absurd!
~jolene (age 14)

*

figg.

2008-08-27T21:59:00.000-04:00

Figg is the project of one of my dearest friends Gilden (that I've known since college) and Robin Peringer. I think you might like it. So…check it!

xoxo,
~jolene

Figg on myspace.

The story of Figg begins with a wedding. As attendees, Robin Peringer and Gilden Tunador, members of Seattle's quietest band, "Carissa's Wierd", witnessed a bizarre event. The drum rolled, the bride threw her bouquet, and a violent CRASH resounded. A voluminous, collective gasp was heard, and then silence. At the exact moment the bouquet began its trajectory, a stolen red corvette, pursued by 3 wailing police cars, drove up onto the sidewalk and ricocheted between the garden wall and 8 of the guests' parked cars. The chase continued for several miles, its momentum slowing only for a few seconds to shock the wedding party. That night, a marriage started with a bang. It's a great reminder that love can be pretty fucked up. You're bound to hit unexpected obstacles along the way, but you must keep moving forward. That can be applied to bands as well - for that same evening, the concept of Figg began. Inspired by the profundity, resilience, tenacity, and the illusiveness of Love, Gilden and Robin decided to form a band whose songs' focus explores the edge between love's negative and the positive. It's too easy to write about sadness and negativity, and much harder to turn the perspective into a brighter one. While humans are naturally prone towards pessimism, Figg follows the road of ultimate optimism. The Smith's lines "If a double decker bus, crashes into us, to die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die," says it well. As Nick Cave continues to capture in his music, there always exists light with dark, the two are attracted to each other, intertwined in battle for power. Figg's music shares the struggle to overcome negativity, creating an almost mystical beauty to it. The songs are wistful journeys about love lost but not forgotten, victory over hate, and hope over dejection. All the while Robin and Gilden were writing pieces and recording for Figg, they had separate paths to follow - Gilden left Seattle and her project Stella Maris, relocated to Los Angeles, and began Queen Maud Land. Robin moved onward to play in Modest Mouse, 764-HERO, Elliot Smith, and as a part time member of Love As Laughter. In 2008, finished with exploring other avenues, Robin and Gilden made Figg their focus. After reviewing their extensive collection of work, they compiled a 12 song debut. Truly worldly, it was recorded in hotel rooms by Robin crossing the globe on tour, a laundry room in his Delaware house, and Gilden's Los Angeles home studio. They are honored to have their former band mates from Carissa's Wierd altogether for the first time since its breakup in 2003, to perform back up vocals and guitars on several tracks - Mat Brooke, now of Sub Pop's Grand Archives, Jen Ghetto of "S", and Sarah Standard on violin. Like Cave, Figg's recordings embody a simple, archetypal, and heartfelt glory, but the live show feels like an exorcism, leaving the listener feeling transcended. Figg, much like a wedding, heralds a new beginning, but like anything, can be marred by destructive forces. However, love and light will continue to battle darkness and destruction, which are are all unstoppable. It's up to the individual to choose in which direction to follow. Follow Figg...

flip it.

2008-08-20T22:21:00.001-04:00

I moved again. I had an opportunity to live in a bigger space for a couple of months and even though it’s not long-term. I like the change. It’s one reason out of a stack full as to why I’ve been so busy.

I’ve been working on the new book and it’s totally new, as in, I’ve changed the concept quite a bit new. I think it’s stronger. I’ll keep you posted.

I also got a new Flip camera and I intend on doing lots of fun things with it.
OK, gotta go.

flip it

drifting gloomily

2008-08-19T23:42:00.000-04:00

I reached inside myself and found nothing there to ease the
pressure of my ever worrying mind…
All my powers waste away I fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror's sending me these days…

Touch me
How can it be
Believe me
The sun always shines on t.v.
Hold me
Close to your heart.
Touch me
And give all your love to me.

Please don't ask me to defend the shameful lowlands of the way I'm drifting gloomily through time.
I reached inside myself today thinking there's got to be some way to keep my troubles distant.

~Pål Waaktaar 1985

i feel the heat of your attack

2008-08-18T00:39:00.000-04:00

Ohmygod, I forgot how much I loved Pat Benatar. I’ve been bouncing around to this song all day long. I remember watching this video in the 80’s taking notice her confidence and style and thinking, “that’s how I wanna be”. This video in particular makes me feel like I’m 12 for some reason, it makes me feel that same awe and admiration I felt back then. She looks so strong, confident and that she kicks booty all the way around.

I also can’t forget to mention Terri Nunn.

When I first moved to New York I worked at a restaurant owned by Pat Benatar’s father in law. I waited on his wife (mother in law? I can’t be sure. ) All I know is that if Pat had come in I would have freeeeaked out.

rockin' out!

2008-07-10T13:52:00.001-04:00

The super cool author Stephanie Kuehnert has been kind enough to include me in the group of Women Who Rock (I’m blushing) Blog Party in celebration of her release week of her new novel, I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone.

BUY IT NOW!!!

If you comment on her blog from now until around noon tomorrow you have a chance at winning a copy of Go Ask Ogre!

Hurry up!!!

STEPHANIE'S BLOG

no doy dork.

2008-07-10T00:26:00.000-04:00

JOURNAL
January 28, 1985

Quit crying you stupid ass!
Man I’m down! Danny gave me a ride home! Big thrill. He didn’t say much! I don’t know! I don’t even think he likes me! FUCK IT!
I really like him A LOT! I wonder if he knows that! “The Chauffer” was playing on the car stereo and I go, “Hey, this is Duran Duran!” and he goes, “No fake!” in a cute way and I don’t think we said much else! Except for,
“This must be it” and “see ya!” I really hope we’re still “talking” although there’s a big doubt in my mind.

*
Dear 14 year Jolene.
Really?
REALLY?

NO DOY! He was just not that into you. (He was in love with your best friend dork)

THIS IS THE COMB I WAS TALKING ABOUT!

I had to make it myself out of paper.
Anyone remember these???

Nitey.

life saver

2008-07-09T09:49:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I was walking down the street when I noticed two sweet little birdies such as this one:

stuck in a glue trap such as this one:

I stopped in horror and verbalized what I was thinking. “Someone left a glue trap out and birds are getting stuck!” There was a guy walking is baby in a stroller and seemed to be in a hurry. He didn’t say anything. One of the birds was really struggling and the other wasn’t putting up too much of a fight. Weirdly enough this took place almost directly in front of an animal care center. I went in and told the receptionist. She said that they don’t treat wildlife and I said that I realized that but the trap is there and more birds could get caught. She said that she would send someone out to get the trap.

As I walked back outside I saw the guy with the trap in his hands and then I saw one of the birds fly free. He said that the other one was really stuck and that he really had to leave. There was another girl standing there speaking on her phone. She said that she saw the birds and walked around the corner realizing that she couldn’t really walk away until she knew that something was being done. The bird didn’t look well. I told her that I was going to go get a little water for it so I went across the street to Union Market to get a little dish of water and when I came back one of the Vets from the animal clinic had come out to get the bird.

I’m inclined to believe that MOST people would want to do the right thing when it comes to saving animals or people in trouble.

I was doing laundry last night and I saw a huge bug flying around. It was kind of spooky. A lady was walking in and I said, “watch out, there’s a bug” and I pointed to where it landed. She said, “Do you have something to kill it with?” and I said that I didn’t want to kill it. That I don’t kill bugs that aren’t harmful.

It was a dragonfly

Do you think most people are inclined to help people and/or animals in need?

rock 'n roll release party!

2008-07-08T11:14:00.001-04:00

YOU are invited!!!

To celebrate the release of her new novel I WANNA BE YOUR JOEY RAMONE
Stephanie Kuenert
is having a release party on her blog! Everyone is invited!

There will be prizes! (Including a chance to win Go Ask Ogre by yours truly!
:D)

Here's what people are saying about I WANNA BE YOUR JOEY RAMONE:

"...an empowering new twist on a girl's coming of age..." - Los Angeles Times

"...irresistible..." and "...acidly incisive and full-out entertaining..." - Booklist

"...a rich, muscular story..." - Bust Magazine

"A wonderfully written and evocative story of a mother and daughter parted by circumstance and joined by music. I heartily recommend it." - Irvine Welsh, author of Trainspotting

"Some books play at trying to be "edgy"; some books try to hit the right notes; but Kuehnert's prose doesn't notice labels. It just is--which is the purest kinda edge. Teeth. Punk. Combat boots. Attitude. Feminism. Family. Girls with guitars. Relationships that jack you up. Sharp things of the not-good kind. Friendships. Love... It's all here; it's all pure and real. I loved it."- Melissa Marr, New York Times bestselling author of Wicked Lovely and Ink Exchange

"Kuehnert's love of music is apparent on every page in this powerful and moving story. Her fresh voice makes this novel stand out in the genre, and she writes as authentically about coming of age as she does punk rock. She's titled the book after a great song by Sleater-Kinney, and both that band, and the iconic Joey Ramone, would be proud of this effort." Charles R. Cross, New York Times bestselling author of Heavier Than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain

"I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone is intense, raw and real; a powerful and heartbreaking weave of Emily Black's public dream of making music and the intensely private one of finding her elusive, missing mother. Emily, a gutsy, passionate and vulnerable girl, knows exactly what she wants and strides straight into the gritty darkness after it, risking all and pulling no punches but leaving us with the perfect ending to a fierce and wild ride." - Laura Wiess, author of Leftovers and Such a Pretty Girl

"Stephanie Kuehnert has written a sucker-punch of a novel, raw and surprising and visceral, and like the best novelists who write about music, she'll convince you that a soul can indeed be saved by rock and roll."- John McNally, author of America's Report Card and The Book of Ralph

"Stephanie Kuehnert writes with dramatic flare and all the right beats, as she spins a story with punk rock lyrics, big dreams, and one girl not afraid to reach out to her lost mother through music, while enduring intense journeys in between. A debut like an unforgettable song, you'll want to read I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone again and again." - Kelly Parra, author of Graffiti Girl

Get a sneak peek of the first chapter on Simon & Schuster's website!

Or, you could just purchase it straight away!
BUY IT NOW!!!

all night long yo!

2008-07-07T21:06:00.001-04:00

I worked some long hours this past weekend but unfortunately because of the holiday weekend it was not so busy.

Lionel Richie came in late at night with a friend and was immediately friendly and fun to talk to. He was the kind of playful guest who likes to chat. He was hungry so I told him a about our chicken sandwich which he decided to order substituting whole wheat bread instead of the baguette.

I brought him a glass of Pinot Grigio and he said, “You’re a life saver” I said, “really, it’s that easy?” I guess that means that I save many lives nightly? Or not…

He couldn’t say enough about how delicious his sandwich was. He requested to change the name to “Lionel Richie’s Motown Wotown Chicken Samich.”

He was really charming, funny and kind. And he was so pleased with his dining experience that he told me that my boyfriend and/or suitors had better be treating me properly and adoringly or else they’re going to have him to deal with. And that means? Better be good to me young men because it looks like Mr. Richie has my back!

…yeah…I’m a geek…but you knew that already.

That’s really all I have to say today. Mr. Laurence Fishburne came in on the very same night and was also extremely kind with no entitlement issues. I say that only because it’something that is so common these days. We get a lot of, “Don’t you know who I am??? “ kind of attitude. Not from him though. He was just as sweet as can be and left an extremely generous tip.

Ok…back to work. I shall leave you with some groovy tunes and visual stimulation.
Rock on.

Thank you Mr. Richie, I’ll make sure I inform my boys.
;)

her life before my eyes.

2008-07-01T00:30:00.000-04:00

I was in the laundry room collecting my clothes from the dryer. A woman was ironing her clothes only a few feet away from me. Out of my peripheral vision I saw her collapse. Her body had pushed the ironing board so that it was at an angle and the iron was slowly sliding downward. I grabbed it and unplugged it as I asked if she was OK. She didn’t respond. It sounded like she was choking and I began to panic. Her fists were clenched. She was having a seizure. I screamed, “Oh my god” and ran to the hallway where one of my neighbors was standing outside of her door. I told her to call 911 and I ran to my room to get my phone. I told her I was calling the security desk. The 911 dispatcher was being an asshole. There was some confusion with communicating the address and she was growing frustrated and said something like, “send a fucking ambulance.” The dispatcher decided ask her something obnoxious regarding her usage of profanity and told her that she was being recorded. She said, “you’re also being recorded…we need an ambulance here.” We felt helpless as we waited for the paramedics. Seriously, what can you do when someone is convulsing like that? I thought she was dying. I was in a panic. Some neighbors gathered and said that it was good that she was on her side but she was breathing with difficulty.

The paramedics arrived and thankfully the building supervisor was still around so she had her keys. The paramedic asked her to see if there was any medication in her room and there was. She was gaining consciousness but she was still out of it. The paramedics said that it’s normal for people who have had seizures to be a bit loopy afterwards. None of us there knew much about her.

The paramedics asked me exactly what happened and asked if she called out for help at all prior to falling and I said no, that she just went down. Just like that. And was immediately unresponsive. They said that I did the right thing by moving the iron and ironing board away from her. He said that if ever someone is having a seizure that you should never touch the person. Just make sure that they’re lying on their side and make sure that nothing is in her way. NEVER put anything in their mouth, especially your finger because you WILL lose it.

It was truly frightening. I’ve experienced several traumatic things this month. A couple of weeks ago I saw a scary fight on the subway. It was about 2AM on a Monday morning on the subway. It was handled poorly. It was fucking scary.

Anyway, I feel emotionally drained but I’m so glad that lady is OK. I’m really glad that I was in the laundry room when it happened and that my neighbor was also quick to help. Everyone did the right thing and the paramedics arrived pretty quickly even though it felt like forever. It probably was about 10 minutes or so. It was easy to see what time it was that it happened because we called within one minute of her going down. Thank God for that.

watch out boy...

2008-06-28T13:40:00.001-04:00

Why oh why can I not find an image of one of those chunky combs we used to stick in our Jordache back pockets???

I found tons of 80's sites when I googled "80's huge pocket combs" but I have found nothing. I really need one. It's for Chapter 2 of "Do You Think He Likes Me?"
Any suggestions?

***
Two – The Accidental Mullet
Summer 1983

The night before I was to go to my grandparents' trailer on Lake Erie, my mother surprised me with a new haircut. She chopped all my hair off, leaving me with the unfortunate hairstyle known as a mullet. I was traumatized. Katie looked great with a mullet because Katie was beautiful. But me? I thought it brought out my freckles and chubby cheeks even more. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I was determined not to let to let my bad haircut get in the way of my summer vacation. Katie came to visit for the weekend, and we went skating at the Gem Beach skating rink. As Hall & Oates' "Maneater" blared from above, I found the courage to ask Joey, a fellow mullet head, to skate on "Ladies' Choice". Joey courted me that summer, boosting my self-esteem.

***

coffee and men with no manners.

2008-06-17T13:16:00.001-04:00

Really, it takes so little to make me happy.
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf is my fave but unfortunately they’re not here on the East Coast. Their Ice Blendeds are far superior to Starbucks’ Frappuccino’s which, in opinion, tastes like syrup.

Anyway, I am so super thrilled that I can purchase my Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf House Blend coffee on Amazon.

And? I have Amazon prime so I get free shipping!!!

Also, today I’d like to thank the Universe for allowing me to have a job which gives me the opportunity to experience the behavior of interesting characters who never cease to inspire me.

Last night I was working at a charity event. I was passing hor dourves when I felt an aggressive hand squeeze my side. I turned around expecting an “excuse me” or an “I’m SO sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you”. I got neither. Instead, the rude offender peered over the tray and said, without even making eye contact with me, “naaahhh” and walked away. I couldn’t help but say “WOW!” as I stood there in shock.

Are you fucking kidding me???

wanna be

2008-06-15T12:13:00.001-04:00

…hello…

I wanted to say thank you once again for all of the birthday wishes. I had the intention fo responding all of the emails I’ve received but have been so busy since I returned to NYC. And my trip to LA was less of a pleasure trip and more of dealing with things like my belongings in storage and my drivers license and other things. And though I had a great time and got to see most of my favorite people, it was really overwhelming. I lived in LA for 12 years so when I go back which is about 1 time a year it’s hard to see everyone. I can’t wait to visit when it can be a total vacation.

I’m going to be busy this summer working hard, saving money so that I can finally, after two years, completely commit to NY. LA is nice in many ways and I definitely miss my friends and hiking in the hills….but…my heart belongs to NY.

I found some fun art while going through my storage.
It’s from the 80’s.
It pretty…um…fantastic. And not “fantastic” in this particular definition:

4. extravagantly fanciful; marvelous.

But more like this definition:

3. imaginary or groundless in not being based on reality; foolish or irrational:

Remember Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan?

Well…

And here I am with my boys, Morrissey, Dave Gahan and Martin Gore. (How great does my hair look?)

And my super extreme look…

Take a closer look at my eyelashes.

…those were the days…

I’m going to draw more so I can have a good chuckle in 20 years.

what if?

2008-05-31T13:44:00.000-04:00

When it rains I can’t help but want to obsessively listen to Rain by Tones on Tail.

I’ve been experimenting with writing style and structure as of late. I really enjoy doing all of the exercises from the following books.
*
What if? by Anne Bernays & Pamela Painter
Spunk & Bite by Arthur Plotnik
On Writing Well by William Zinsser
Yoga for the Brain by Cheryl Miller Thurston
The Art of Fiction by John Gardner (recommended by Bob Fisher writer of Wedding Crashers)
Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss (recommended by NY Times Bestselling author Jen Lancaster)
The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. & E.B. White
Story Structure Architect by Victoria Schmidt, Ph.D.
*
I’m going to do the following exercise over several blog posts…hopefully within the week. This exercise was taken from the book What if? from page 31.

*
Choose a central dramatic incident from your life.

Write about it in first person, and then write about it in third person (or try second person!). Write separate versions from the point of view of each character in the incident.

Have it happen to someone ten or twenty years older or younger than yourself.

Stage it in another country or in a radically different setting.

Use the skeleton of the plot for a whole different set of emotional reactions.

Use the visceral emotions from the experience for a whole different story line.

THE OBJECTIVE:

To become more fluent in translating emotions and facts from truth to fiction. To help you see the components of a dramatic situation as eminently elastic and capable of transformation. To allow your fiction to take on its own life, to determine what happens and why in an artful way that is organic to the story itself. As Virginia Woolf said, “There must be great freedom from reality”.

So…I’m going to try to do this daily but I’m going out of town and I can’t promise. I’d love to see what you come up with. Please post it by blog, not email.

;)

BUY "What if?" by Anne Bernays & Pamela Painter

tinkerbell on cough syrup.

2008-05-25T13:12:00.000-04:00

I don't care what Kevin & Bean say. Scarlett Johansson's abum is lovely.

I pre-ordered the album on Amazon. After reading the CD booklet it all makes sense to me. The producer David Sitek was going for the 4AD sound (This Mortal Coil & The Cocteau Twins specifically) And if you know me, you'll know that I love most 4AD artists.

I say, check it out!

apology draft 1.

2008-05-22T12:10:00.001-04:00

#36 Write a letter of apology without using the words sorry or apologize.

Dear M,

I know it’s been a long time and I hope this letter finds you well. I’m pretty sure that I’m the last person you expected to hear from.

I feel a lot of guilt and shame about what happened. And I also realize that acknowledging that I was very young and very selfish and very messed up can’t be used as excuses. But I’ll have you know that out of all of my life experiences, that time and that decision to get involved is what I most regret. I know it caused you a lot of pain. I know the situation was complicated by many layers and I truly wish I hadn’t been part of the cause….

call me!

2008-05-20T15:42:00.002-04:00

So I have this book called, “ Yoga for the Brain (Daily writing stretches that keep minds FLEXIBLE and STRONG!)” by Dawn DiPrince and Cheryl Miller Thurston and I love it.

I know I haven’t been blogging so much lately. I have been super busy and well….yeah…I’ve been busy.

But I’d like to write more and not just silly updates. So, today I will take my inspiration from this book.

***
Idea #173. Many people have cell phones, but even more people have opinions about cell phones. Choose a topic related to cell phones, and write about your views.

There were several suggestions on where to go with this. Here are a few.

How do you feel about people talking on a cell phone while driving?

Do you ever see people walking down the street but not interacting with one another because one or more of them is talking on a cell phone? Do you think there is something weird with that? Why or Why not?

***

OK, first of all, I prefer to refer to a cell phone as a mobile phone. I like the word better.
And yes, I have many opinions about them. Of course I have one and probably could not live without it. Though…I wonder if it causes cancer. A doctor I was waiting on once told me that it does…told me not to have it next to my body unless it’s turned off. His daughter told me not to believe him.

I find it annoying when people speak loudly into their phones and I’m shamed when I catch myself doing it. I am not uncomfortable when I overhear conversations of others but that’s only because I’m an eavesdropper and I like hearing the dialogue of strangers…even when it gets on my nerves. I know, I’m kooky.

One time I was standing line in K-Mart in New York City and this girl was behind me speaking way too freaking loud about her recent revelations and discoveries. She seemed to be a spiritual person (a LOUD) one anyway….The wait in line was long. The cashier appeared to be new. The girl on the phone began to repeat herself in between complaints about the long line. Finally it was my turn. I paid cash and the guy short-changed me. It took me a moment to realize this and when I explained it to him it took him time to process it. The whole time I could hear the girl behind me complaining about the hold up and then she said, “this girl in front of me is arguing with the cashier over a fucking dime!!!” Whoa. That perked my ears up! It didn’t matter to me that she thought that I was arguing over a dime because it wasn’t a dime and I wasn’t arguing. I was just trying to sort out the misunderstanding. I turned around, looked directly at her and said, “So what? It’s my money and it’s not over a dime but who cares if it was? You’re standing there speaking loudly on your phone annoying everyone around you”, She looked shocked and mumbled “I gotta go” into her phone and I walked away.

Healthy me would have just walked away…but healthy me was losing patience. And while it’s true that everyone in earshot was throwing looks her way and rolling their eyes…it’s really not smart to speak for everyone. I know. Shame. Shame.

*

Where I work we have a “No Cell Phone” rule. It’s strictly enforced. I imagine mostly because during the day/afternoon and early evening hours people bring their computers and do work and have meetings and such. I’m pretty polite when I inform people. Some people are friends of members and don’t know the rule. There is a reception area where people can talk on the phone and they can also use it in the Games Room. You would not believe how snippy some people get when I tell them and politely point to the reception area. A lot of people have a snide remark. Some people say, “I know” and totally ignore me. I shrug it off but I have this manager who gets full on in people’s faces. He’s really aggressive about it. So…if they don’t listen to me, I let him deal with it. And I’ve seen super duper drunk assholes get back in his face (or “all up in his grill” as the kids say) and begin attacking him personally about his job and how much a restaurant manager makes which I think is really fucked up. I guess some people with money feel entitled to behave this way. It’s fucking disgusting.

Anyway, one guy who got aggressive with me told me that he never heard of that rule and claimed to be a member for years and said that he uses his phone all the time. I tend to get very “matter of fact” with people like this, just stating that yes, indeed it is a rule and that’s that.

On a different note I find it ironic when people get all upset and object to leaving their credit card to start a tab because they’ll “forget about it” which is precisely the reason for taking a credit card. People “forget about” paying the bill.

OK, enough opinions for today. I’m off to get a soothing massage

Ahhhhhh…….

Please share your cell phone thoughts.

Oh yeah and in my opinion, people should only use hands free phones while driving and they should PAY ATTENTION TO THE F-ING ROAD!!!

OK, I’m really going now.

Buy the book:
...I tried to link the amazon page but had no success.

you miss me, don't you?

2008-05-16T12:53:00.001-04:00

And I've been neglecting you.
I'm a horrible person.

The lovely Melissa Walker sent this link my way.

So freakin' funny!

I miss you too!

Sensitive worrier.

2008-05-03T12:52:00.001-04:00

Last night Marcia caught me on time to ask if I’d like to share cab home. We live not too far form each other. It makes the struggle to get a cab easier…it’s generally difficult to hail one on Friday & Saturday nights. So, as we were getting ready to leave in the dressing room, Jeanine and Angela the chef come in and they are also planning to share a cab together and I ask them where they live because I remember Angela once having said that she lived in Brooklyn….anyway, we went on our merry way and tried and tried to find a taxi. It wasn’t happening. We paused to observe a hot mess on the street. I mean…hot-freaking-mess….wobbling in her heels, dropping her purse in the street and struggling to pick up the contents and then doing it again and then hugging her friend and then falling down again. I swore she was going to get hit by a car. Luckily she didn’t. So…Marcia considered our next plan of action and decided to walk to a different corner to hail our cab. We see one on the opposite side of the street and Marcia made eye contact and secured our ride. We notice a guy on the other side of the street running for the cab…we couldn’t cross because the light was red and a stream of cars were passing by. The guy was standing on the opposite side of the cab and of course the driver wasn’t letting him in because, as I mentioned, he saw us and acknowledged us. So, as soon as we had the opportunity we booked across the street and I opened the door and jumped in, while Marcia followed. Then I see this girl run up behind the guy who was trying to grab the cab and I realize that it’s the chef Angela and she’s giving me a dirty look and then I see that the guy is one of the restaurant bussers and the driver was about to pull away and I see Jeanine laughing…but Angela was not laughing…she looked pissed. Anyway, it was awkward and funny and well…I hope she realizes that we did not in fact steal her cab.

go on and put your ear to the ground.

2008-05-01T11:35:00.000-04:00

Oh yes I did see David Bowie yesterday. He was sitting in the corner—looking fab—wearing glasses, conducting a meeting. Seriously, he looks SO great. Has he had surgery? Or is he just a healthy, happy and successful man?

And I saw Whoopie Goldberg also. I've always loved her. Smiley, happy and exuding positive energy.

Also LOVE the show "Samantha Who". I love all the characters. And the other day as I walked up to table 205 I realized that it was Jennifer Esposito sitting there looking all gorgeous. Because I love this show I was hoping that she would be kind. Stupid, I realize. It's a television show. She is an actress. It shouldn't matter if she's kind or not. And let's just say that she was not nice to me during the whole interaction of me serving her. Would that mean that she's not a nice person or that she was having a bad day? That's just like me assuming that John Goodman is a jerk because I couldn't get him the edamame that he requested years ago when we I was doing (and LOATHING) craft services. Maybe he was just really intent on eating healthy and that he was really craving edamame and was counting on the protein and I fucked up his day. Maybe that's why he was rude to me. I should probably let that go, yes? Clearly, I'm ranting. Miss Jennifer Esposito was lovely and sweet and that means???

Bottom line? I guess I'm fond of nice people.

Aside from perfecting my eavesdropping techniques I've just been super busy. I've been pulled left and right and well, I'm pretty knackered which is why I haven't been blogging so much….and sometimes I wonder why I blog….I've actually been working on several projects and attempting to get out more.

Also, I love Scarlett's new song. I think it's an interesting idea.

anywhere i lay my head.

On The Doll.

2008-04-15T22:39:00.001-04:00

My brilliant friend Paul D'Amour and his band Feersum Ennjin. ...featured in the film On The Doll.

On The Doll

..

He also composed the film!

10.

2008-04-15T10:52:00.002-04:00

After surgery yesterday, while awaiting my prescriptions to be filled I ventured out for some retail therapy. I went to this teacher supply store and I got some art supplies for the Journal and Zine writing classes.

I liked one of the posters that I saw in the elevator. I almost considered purchasing a few to randomly disperse.

10 GREAT WAY TO TREAT OTHERS

1. Use kind words.
2. Help when you can.
3. Share and take turns.
4. Listen to what others have to say.
5. Be honest and truthful.
6. Think before you speak or act.
7. Remember your manners.
8. Hold your temper.
9. Think about the feelings of others.
10. Work and play fairly.

I can think of a few people who could benefit from these simple rules….

So yeah…I’m a little puffy…feeling better though. The surgeon said that all looks good so I just have to make sure I take care of myself so I can heal. I’m drinking tons of water.
I was terrified during the surgery. My doctor is very kind and all of his assistants are kind but I still was so tense and anxious. They gave me nitrous oxide helped a bit but the novacaine freaks me out. I know it’s necessary but it makes me feel as if I’m in some crazy dream or that I’m a cartoon character in a crazy dream. The one thing that I did not expect which did freak me out was the pace of the surgery. I know that it makes sense… get it done quickly…don’t expose the tissue to bacteria. I get it but it was so fast and I don’t know, I guess I imagined a slow and careful incision and a gentle removal of the infection but what happened according to my ears was that some crazy tool was rapidly slicing into my gums while my doctor was briskly working. Then came the scraping. I cannot get that noise out of my head. Scraping. It almost made me sick. Sounded like someone was fiercely scraping chewing gum with a knife from the bottom of a table. Shiver. But I am thankful that it’s over and that I have a great job which offers me insurance and that I’m a happy and healthy person who drinks a lot water and will most likely heal quickly.

wow!

2008-04-10T00:21:00.001-04:00

I saw my brilliant friend Ondi Timoner’s film "Join Us" last night.
Wow is all I can say.

Join Us by Ondi Timoner

PS. She directed the award winning documentary "Dig!"

one mo.

2008-04-02T01:06:00.000-04:00

masquerade

2008-03-31T12:07:00.002-04:00

It started with a plain white fabric mask.

I had looked at the local (awesome) costume shops and the only masks that I was crazy about were like $200. So, I decided to go the creative route.

I bought some glossy acrylic paint to make the mask shiny….I applied about 5 coats on it.

My inspiration was “smitten goth girl”.
I was thinking black lined eyes and blushed red cheeks.

The black, glossy, raised paint that I used for the eyes was not really easy to work with. I don’t know what made me think that it would be as easy to apply as my eyeliner…

I wanted some funky eyebrows….

But this wasn’t doing it for me… I took a break. Steamed some veggies and poured myself a glass of wine.

I went with a higher, thinner brow. This satisfied me….but I forgot that I didn’t buy the small silver gems so I turned the red ones backwards.

I had to let all of the glitter dry on to the glue and my next step was punching tiny holes around the edge so that I could sew the fuzzy fur. It was sort of a pain in the booty. It hurt my fingers and I broke 2 fingernails. One broke down really far and it continues to hurt.

I put it aside for a day and realized that it still didn’t look finished.

So I added more gems around the eyes.

Over the original tiny hole for the flimsy elastic band that held the mask on I punched larger holes. I originally had in mind that I would use a red ribbon but when it was already Saturday I decided to not go into Manhattan to the garment district and instead, go to the yarn store up the street. I found some fuzzy red yarn. I pulled 6 strands through it on both sides and let 2 strands fall in the front and the rest was tied in the back of my head.

Voila!

Completely unaware of what my mask looked like, Sarah picked up a red & black mask, which was beautiful!

The actual party was fun. Sarah and I drank wine and did mini photo shoots in the corner.

Melissa met up with us after the North Carolina game, looking lovely, as usual.

We had so much fun! I love playing dress up!

me.me.me

2008-03-28T11:17:00.001-04:00

*my apologies…for some reason this blog won’t accept my myspace links.*

I was group tagged by the lovely and talented Melissa Walker.
http://www.myspace.com/melissacwalker

1. link back to the person who tagged you.
2. post these rules on your blog.
3. share six unimportant things about yourself.
4. tag six random people at the end of your entry.

http://www.myspace.com/melissacwalker

***six unimportant things***

1. I’m a germ-a-phobe.
2. I make my bed every day.
3. I have a series of reoccurring dreams. One is not fun at all. It generally includes big fat rats and insects, mostly cockroaches. The other is that I have to move (I LOATE moving) and I always forget something and the new place is most of the time, pretty cool and spacious except there is always one common thing. It’s not secure. There is always a wall that’s not sealed off or a door that won’t lock.
4. I love fluffy socks.
5. Sometimes I wish I lived in the same city as my mom and my aunt.
6. I drink a lot of water.

I’m tagging Kate because she’s a brilliant writer and I’m going to make it a goal to see her more often because she’s fun to be around and is very inspiring.
http://www.myspace.com/herekittykittyxo

I’m tagging Sare because she’s my homegirl.
http://www.myspace.com/sarahdisgrace

I’m tagging Paul D’Amour’s (original TOOL bass player) band Feersum Ennjin because he rocks.
http://www.myspace.com/feersumennjin
(Fave song is Solid Gold)

I’m tagging Paul D’Amours wife Gilden’s band Queen Maude Land because she’s one of my most favorite people ever. She’s one of my kindest most nurturing friends. She told me to write Go Ask Ogre. She’s all around amazing.
http://www.myspace.com/queenmaudland
(Fave song is Unlovable)

I’m tagging Furlesque because they make beautiful t-shirts that I practically live in. Maggie sends them to me. Thank you Maggie!
http://www.myspace.com/furlesque

I’m tagging Jen Lancaster because she’s fucking hilarious and she will be in NYC soon to promote her new book, “Such a Pretty Fat”
http://www.myspace.com/jennsylvania

OK, you’re all tagged now!

she·nan·i·gans

2008-03-24T12:21:00.002-04:00

Meet Melissa.

I met Melissa in 1998 in a youth hostel in Amsterdam. I woke early with the intention of running in Vondelpark with Sachio from Japan.

It was seriously early, like 7 in the morning or something. Up pops Melissa from her bed. She grabs her sneakers and invites herself along. We were fast friends. We spent night after crazy night in Amsterdam, (usually starting at Cafe Soundgarden

And then finding our way to Korsakoff to dance to random mixes from Madonna to Skinny Puppy) meeting locals, staying out all hours of the night, shopping for cheap make-up at Etos.

Spending tons of guilders at H & M (which had not made its way to the states yet.)

It was a coincidence also because Melissa was from Los Angeles so we kept in touch.

Anyway, she was in town last week and as you know, I was just recovering from that nasty flu but I managed to have a few long nights with Melissa in the city.

She was staying at the Marriot Marquis so we went to The View Lounge.

The view of the city was absolutely stunning.

I also got to introduce Melissa to some of my friends here in NY. We were out and about every night. Really fun, but really exhausting.

ooooh yum! We went to Sushi Samba. Everything was deeee-lish.
This soup was super yummy. Clam miso soup.

Sooooo…another exciting event this past week was the New York Public Library Books for the Teenage event which was held at the
http://teenlink.nypl.org/bta1.cfm

Celeste Bartos Forum in the Humanities and Social
Sciences Library at Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street, which is a gorgeous building in mid-town.

I mean, lookie!

The lion was there taking photographs through his mouth.

And then sitting by his lonesome:

And my favorite YA author of 2007, Melissa Walker’s book Violet On The Runway made the list.

Also, be sure to check the second in the Violet series. Violet By Design.

Here is Melissa Walker looking so happy and sweet!

Being recognized from the New York Public Library is a huge, huge honor. So, congrats to Melissa. Also, I do have to say how pleased and surprised I was when Sandra Payne, the Coordinator of Young Adult Services gave me a shout out as a 2006 Books of the Teenage author. I smile.

In addition to the above mentioned events, I also submitted the last of my pages of my book proposals to my agent who is sending them out this week. Fingers are tightly crossed.

tool kit. story 1. entry 1.

2008-03-17T00:28:00.002-04:00

Well, I’m back at work and feeling a lot better although I cannot say that I’m feeling 100%. That was the worst damned flu I’ve had since I was living in Amsterdam. Horrible. Throw in a bout of bronchitis and mix that with a full body rash brought upon by antibiotics given for my tooth situation and you have one unhappy & uninspired Jolene.

I have this fun little kit:

That I’ve never played with I’ve decided to whip it out. I’m going to start using it. It comes with little cards and sticks with a sentence to inspire. I’m going to experiment and try to ignore the pain in my chest.

*
This is fiction.

*

Someone’s red leather journal...

was lying under the pillow on my bed at the hostel. There were only two of us in the room last night. I made my bed this morning before breakfast. I went for a walk around the park and when I returned to the room I saw that there were 3 new backpacks lying about. Someone apparently didn’t realize that this bed was taken. Seems kind of strange to leave a journal in a room where a stranger could find it. Why didn’t they leave it in the backpack? I personally would be a little more careful with my journal.

I had to peek inside. I wanted to see where my fellow traveler was from. The writing was in English. The penmanship looked feminine. The book was half completed. I skimmed the first page. It was written whilst on an airplane bound for London. Didn’t say where it had departed from though. The narrator was clearly excited about this upcoming journey. Mentioned being nervous about seeing “Mark” in London and then traveling on. I flipped to the last filled out page and read, “This feels wrong. This feels wrong”.

I heard someone put a key in the door so I quickly put the book back under the pillow.

*

"little tumors"

2008-03-04T12:35:00.001-05:00

Here’s what’s going on with my mouth.
In January I went for my annual check up. Haven’t been since the week before I moved to NYC, which was May of 2006. Didn’t have insurance so did not go last year. I take good care of my teeth…I floss every day…you get the picture.

So. I blindly chose this dentist in Brooklyn. I was not impressed by the office. It just looked like it needed a good dusting. Not to mention that the “sanitation certificate” posted at the reception desk was expired. When I inquired about it I was told that they were moving soon and that’s why the new certificate was not posted. Red flag.

The dentist was nice enough. But the rooms were just not as clean as I would have preferred. Had my x-rays taken and he asks me if the tooth or the area around where I had a root canal procedure over 10 years ago had been bothering me. It hadn’t. He asked me if I had ever experienced any trauma in the area. I said, “no”. So he refers me to an oral surgeon who asked me all of the same questions. He suggests that I have 2 root canals to the teeth next to the one that I had before. So….last week I went to get the 2 root canals performed and the doctor is puzzled because he checked the teeth and said that they are alive…it’s a mystery. He said that there is this disorder most common amongst African Americans…that it’s strange. He suggests that I get the original root canal re-worked so…I went yesterday and I saw a different doctor who was also completely puzzled by my situation. The teeth are alive. He tested it with ice and by tapping on it with that annoying tool and with the electric shock thingy. All terribly annoying tests. Then he HAD to say… that he didn’t think he needed to perform the root canal followed by “I think you should go back to the oral surgeon and get these little tumors taken out. And get a biopsy”. I was like, “what ?? TUMOR? BIOPSY???” I was all tensed up and panicky and I told him so. I said that I’m kind of a hypochondriac and he said, “Really? How many meds to you take?” I said that I don’t take any meds because I don’t like them. He said that I’m not a hypochondriac. I’m just a worrier.

It’s unfortunate that I don’t know my father’s medical history. Makes me anxious that I don’t know if there are any crazy disorders from that side of my family.

On a lighter note I have celebrated my year anniversary at my present employer. I have not phoned in sick once so I’m rewarding myself with a full body massage.

Also, wanted to apologize for not being a good pen pal. I just don’t have the time I used to for responding to email. Don’t hate me.

the new Venus.

2008-02-29T15:39:00.000-05:00

If you run out and buy the new issue of VENUS ZINE you will find a review that I wrote for the wonderful debut novel called, "This Will Go Down On Your Permanent Record" by Susannah Felts!

I recommend!

:D

tears & history.

2008-02-27T11:03:00.000-05:00

An article in Yahoo News about Anne Franks' love...

Anne Franks' "one true love".

And a little piece of history that warms my heart.

fo shizz.

2008-02-25T12:08:00.001-05:00

Let's just say this, Diablo is to me what Tina Fey is to Sarah Grace McCandless (Sare). I heart her!

A couple of months ago I was talking to Bob Fisher and he told me to go see the film Juno. He said that the movie was really sweet and he thought I'd like it. He also said that Diablo Cody looked like someone that I would hang out with. I told him that I had just heard her on Kevin & Bean and that she sounded really cool. What I remember from that interview was that she said something about learning to write a screenplay on her own…something about the fact that she didn't read any "how to guides" or have any "real" training and I found that inspiring.

I had remembered hearing about her book, "Candy Girl" in a Suicide Girls interview and I had thought it sounded interesting but I never did pick it up.

Anyway, I went to see Juno with Sare in NYC and I LOVED it! And then I began reading her blog. She just seems like such a cool person. In her interviews she's always so gracious and well spoken and smart and funny. I also liked that she had said that she believes that everyone has a book or story in them, which I agree with. I thought it was interesting as well that she was basically saying that she believed that ANYONE could write a screenplay and then Jason Reitman said that he didn't agree. In other words, she's a natural.

I just finished reading Candy Girl and I loved it. I enjoyed her observations and writing style and…I laughed my ass off.

A few weeks ago I was working at a BAFTA party at work and when they announced her name I jumped around amongst a bunch of reserved English people who looked at me like I was a kook, but I didn't care. And last night, it was a different crowd at the party. A lot of young media professionals, writers and the like were in attendance. I put my tray down and watched in anticipation. Before Harrison Ford announced her win I heard various spectators around the room say her name and when he finally revealed it everyone cheered! I almost cried.

I'm really looking forward to seeing more of her work.

Aside from all of that, she's totally adorable (well, HOT really…)and has the hair cut that I've been trying to have (but failing miserably) for the past year!

OK….of to get my 2 root canals.

Smoochies!!!

i was...

2008-02-23T00:35:00.001-05:00

thank you E.

2008-02-22T17:08:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I get hurtful messages from people who need a place for their anger…This will happen to those who choose to put themselves out there… I realize this. And sometimes I get letters and messages from the sweetest and sensitive kindred spirits. Those who have gone through things so much more difficult than anything I have ever experience and who are stronger than I could ever be.

I got your letter E. It warmed my heart and made me smile.

dream 2.22.08

2008-02-22T11:48:00.000-05:00

I was going to see one of his shows. He came out to see me. He had cut all of his hair off and it looked great. I was surprised because his hair is such a part of him and his image. He put his arm around me and we walked together. I asked, “So how are you?” and he said, “Well, not great”. I was growing a little used to this response. It often seemed that he had some drama going on. So I inquired further, “So…what does that mean?” He grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. He said, “You know that I like you the best and that you’re the most beautiful” Always the charmer…I anticipated that this would be followed by some unsavory news. He squeezed my hand and proceeded to tell me that he got “someone” pregnant. But before he could go into detail he was gone and the show was about to begin. In my dream I didn’t even see the show. I only recall everyone in the audience. I was trying to send text messages with my strange phone which involved using my mini typewriter alphabet stamps. I was sitting on the stairs with paper, ink-pads and rubber stamps strewn about. It was odd.

After the show he came over to me and made small talk and then he said he had to go. I was assuming he meant that he had to leave to go to the next city but when I asked where he was going next he said that he was going to “Eagle City” and I asked, “Where’s that?” and he said, “It’s club downtown” and I said, “You’re going out and you’re not inviting me” and he said, “Well…yeah” and I said, “Ok, take care” and I watched him drive off in his Black Honda CRV.

boring & under the weather...

2008-02-19T00:53:00.000-05:00

This is boring. I promise.

I’m just starting to feel better. I’ve been alone for most of the day, with an exception of a visit to the dentist I’ve actually been resting, which is really difficult for me even when I’m feeling unwell. I finally watched “Capote” which has been in its Nettflix envelope for close to three weeks now. I loved it….and then I decided to go through my photobucket photos and dig up some images from almost 3 years ago.

Ode to Pepe.

Monsters at the Daily Grill. I forget their name. Dead by day or something..? They came into my restaurant and attacked me!

See, I don’t lie.

This guy stuck his tongue in my mouth. Totally serious. Was not happy.

Aw…my old guest house…
I do miss my balcony lights…

And I do miss hiking…

But I heart my NY.

Even though my bedroom is pretty much the size of my old kitchen…

My bed, (which I’m still missing in a big way) would not fit in my present room. I’m going to have spacious apartment soon. I swear. I hope…And I WILL then collect my bed from it’s dusty storage cell in LALA land.

….see how boring I am?

I’m wearing plaid pajamas and I’m going to be falling into my temporary bed soon enough...

Yours truly,
~boringjolene

stink eye.

2008-02-14T22:39:00.001-05:00

Happy Valentines Day from an extremely paranoid hypochondriac.
My skull feels numb so naturally I’ve concluded the following.

I have meningitis and I’m going to die.
I have an infection from having my cavity filled at a dentist’s office that has an expired certificate of cleanliness and I’m going to die.

What I probably have is sinusitis…and I might just die.

So, I’m gong to get a ton of zzzzzz’s tonight.

Last night I foolishly wore fishnet stockings and a short-sleeved shirt. I had fun though.
Sare and I almost met our death on the cobbled stoned streets of the Meat Packing district. A cab driver almost hit us. OK, so he was only driving like 5 miles per hour but seriously, get of the damn phone and watch where you’re going.

So, Sare and I had to practice our stink eyes.

Watch where you’re going mister!!!

YOU almost hit me! (and I almost died!)

Mike’s stink eye is more seductive than menacing…but we’ll take it!

Aw…Vast’s Valentine love! The show was FAB btw!

And THIS, despite my deadly illness(s) is what I’ve been doing all day.

These are possible Go Ask Ogre new edition pages.

Like or no like?

hey you, new wave...

2008-02-12T17:06:00.000-05:00

I wish so badly that I could take credit for this Fanzine from the late 80's but I have to give full credit to an old school friend of mine, Jenny Cousino. She mailed me all copies of Potpourri and I'm going to try to upload all of them.

Enjoy the snippits!

cracked.

2008-02-04T22:41:00.000-05:00

"It's better to be alive than dead, and while you're alive, you should try your best to make the experience rich and meaningful. At the end, you want to be flooded with good memories, with thanks for the people you love and the time you've shared with them. Just as no one ever died wishing they'd spent more time at the office, no one ever died saying, I wish I'd spent more time by myself".

-Dr. Drew.

I've been reading Dr. Drew's book "Cracked". It's a really wonderfully written book about addiction from a doctor's perspective. It's told on a personal level. It's told with the warmth of a sensitive and compassionate person and also gives facts about behavior and addiction in a way that's not clinical (i.e. boring). I recommend it to anyone interested in behavior and addiction. Also, by the quote above, you can see that it's also with insights and observations and I find it pretty wonderful.

Like I said before, I'm so sorry that I have not been good with my correspondence. Times are so busy at the moment that I need to kind of crack down and get things done. I've been working on this new book for 9 months or so. It takes so much time and I keep getting more ideas for illustrations and well, kind of irritating myself actually but I'm hoping you'll like the finished book.

See below…despite work and art and the oral surgeries (ugh…) on the horizon I am trying to live and have fun. See images below.

*

Sare took me to the Gotham Writers party the other night. It was POURING rain and we toughed it out. I have this oversized umbrella that I was really excited about using but it ended up being a pain in the butt. My apologies to my fellow New Yorkers whose eyes I almost poked out. I didn't realize that it was so big and I really didn't want to get wet. Sorry.

(See me in my black comforter…hee hee…)

I met Spiderman!!!
My cousin Reed is going to be SO excited!

Where's my chocolate? Where's my chocolate???

Me and Kimmy!

Me and KittyKate

I thought I saw Scooby Doo on the sidewalk.

Do you think I'm crazy?

The view from Sare's hood!

STUNNING!

And finally, Sare is huggin' on her Ugly Doll.

Aw! That's love!

OK. Time for jammies.
Smoochies.

unfulfilled.

2008-01-29T22:57:00.000-05:00

I'm getting a molar drilled tomorrow. Not excited.
Have a very important meeting on Thursday. Quite excited.
Getting hair cut on Friday. Looking forward. Drinks with Sare. Fun as always.
Not working the brunch shift on Sunday. So happy. One of my dearest will be in town.

Hope everyone is well and safe and happy.
nitey.
~j

in your memory...

2008-01-21T18:35:00.001-05:00

As you know, I’ve been suffering from YouTube addiction.

Taking a tumble.
I’m taking a drop…
Sometimes I stumble when my mind’s made up…

YouTube is proving to be quite helpful with ideas for my book….
My old boyfriend brought me these Depeche Mode singles from San Diego in 1985. This was a very big deal because it was not generally the kind of music I could find at Woodville Mall. Know what I mean? I have the vinyl somewhere…who knows where?

Don’t tell me secrets anymore…and fools don’t run away…

This is just too exciting.
SIMON, I LOVE YOU!!!
Smoochies!!!

oooh la la la….

That footage is PRICELESS!

haven fun.

2008-01-17T12:43:00.000-05:00

Oh…those were the days…when the only thing I cared to obsess about was getting a book of stamps. And all I could write letters about was to ask for more stamps. I was at girl scout camp.

I remember being sad at Greenfield Village because I didn’t have enough money to buy rock candy and no one would share.

And if you are interested:

Greenfield Village

"Amish" village (or "amosh" if you're 9.)

:D

the body dysmorphic

2008-01-15T00:18:00.001-05:00

Little chub chub.

I have body dysmorphic disorder and I wish I didn’t. It’s not an extreme case but it’s bothersome to me because I’m in my (mid to…wink) late thirties and you’d think that by now it would vanish and that I would know what I look like. You also think the same of zits (I prefer to refer to them as spots) but as my friend Viv pointed out. There’s nothing worse than having a spot on a wrinkle. Just not right.

In 2002 I was working at the Tam O’Shanter in Los Angeles. The kitchen was poorly designed and there wasn’t much space to walk though, especially with a full tray of prime rib. One day Marifrances had to point out, as we attempted to pass one another with trays on our shoulders, “We’re not skinny girls you know!” Of course, being the sensitive woman that I am I grew terribly sad inside. I probably weighed 170 lbs at the time, which was not my heaviest. That comment immediately brought to mind the numerous other comments I had heard throughout my life regarding my weight.

In grade school I had apparently offended Nicole J. when I said that I thought that both she and Carrie C. were the skinniest girls in the class. I had meant it as the highest compliment. Being a chubby “pretty plus” wearing girl for most of my young life, I couldn’t imagine how that compliment could be taken in any other way (young chubby narcissist).

On the playground that day, Nicole, Carrie, Maureen L. and Melissa O walked towards me arm in arm in arm in arm. When they stopped they each looked me in the eye and Maureen aggressively questioned, “So, you think Nicole and Carrie are the skinniest girls in the class? What do you think you are?” I couldn’t respond and they wouldn’t say it. They just turned around and walked away. I watched their skinny backs with tears in my eyes and was simply shocked that they didn’t know that what I had said at lunch that day was more complimentary than if I had claimed, “You’re the prettiest of them all!” It made me quite sad and obviously I haven’t forgotten this..still a painful memory for me. I was especially hurt because Carrie was always so kind to me and Nicole was pretty nice as well. I would have never said anything mean to or about them. Maureen and Melissa were pretty sassy and at times…not such nice girls…but anyway, I still fucking have issues. I know I look like. I do not think I’m fat. I happy with my dress size. I feel good in my clothes.

I’ve recently lost some weight and not totally sure how. I do follow weight watchers and have been documenting what I eat but I’ve lost this weight and I wonder if I have some sort of parasite from eating sushi or something. I feel like I eat a lot. But perhaps it’s because I eat every few hours. I guess I have been walking a lot and I do go to the gym but I also eat eggs on a roll or a bagel with cream cheese on Sundays and I use real 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee. I mostly like it when people notice that I’ve lost weight but a lady in my building ask me today if I had lost weight and she said it in a way that made me feel strange and even insecure. Like, “How’s everything? You doing ok? You’ve lost weight?” Like I look sick or something but I know that I don’t look sick and I’m definitely not sick. I eat well. I have raisin bran or oatmeal for brekky and I eat lots of veggies and soup and apples and I try to eat a lot of organic food and TRY to avoid sugar…ok that’s kind of a lie. I eat frozen yogurt…like almost daily.

I feel pleased with my body but sometimes I have to stop myself before I obsess on imperfections. I can see myself aging and am still sensitive to comments like…my co-worker speaking of my choice to consume a veggie sandwich at the end of my shift, which is late (2 or 3 AM) but I’ve spoken to nutritionists and as mentioned, I follow weight watchers so I know that what it comes down to is total calorie consumption.

I hate when that insecure side comes out and I become defensive.

the nerdiest???

2008-01-12T13:31:00.001-05:00

My friend Karine, writer on the series “Bones” and lovely and brilliant wife of the wonderful and brilliant writer of Wedding Crashers, Bob Fisher sent me this update on the writers strike and I asked her if I could re-post it.

Please read it if you have time.

***

Please do not feel any obligation to read all of this. In fact, here’s a
fun post that you can read that gives a lot of good information – I only
just discovered it today (I wrote most of the following email earlier in the
week), and, had I discovered it earlier, I may not have bothered my update at
all:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-j-elisberg/writers-strike-primer-f_b_80877.html

Most of you received my first Strike Update, back in November. If you
didn’t, and you’d like me to send it to you, let me know.

If you’d like a review of the basic issues, here’s a link to that short
video I told you about last time, which explains things (this video was made
at the beginning of the strike):

Also, before we begin, here’s another video you should check out, so you can
meet the people we’re up against:

Okay, now for the updates…

A NOT-EXACTLY-BRIEF SUMMARY OF NEGOTIATIONS:

As you may remember from my first email, on the final day of negotiations
before the WGA contract ran out (10/31/07), the WGA took one of our major
demands (an increase in DVD residuals) off of the bargaining table. The
reason for this was because, in backchannel communications with company CEOs,
the WGA was assured that if we dropped the DVD increase, the AMPTP would
deliver us a reasonable deal on internet. Our negotiating committee, a group
of extremely intelligent and reasonable men and women, weighed this decision
carefully. For the sake of avoiding the strike, they agreed to drop the DVD
demand. However, on that Sunday, the AMPTP offered absolutely no compromises
in return. The WGA had already made it EXTREMELY clear that we would strike
at midnight if the AMPTP was not negotiating in good faith, which is exactly
what happened. The AMPTP then walked out of the negotiations.

On November 26, the AMPTP finally agreed to come back to the bargaining table.
A play-by-play of the daily drama of those negotiations would be too
exhausting to write. If any of you are really interested, let me know and
I’ll give you some links. In brief, the AMPTP offered a “groundbreaking
economic partnership” (their words) with the writers. Here’s an example
of how their offer would apply to one of my “Bones” episodes:

Immediately after airing on television, my episode would be available on the
internet with no compensation to me for the next six weeks (keep in mind:
these episodes are shown WITH AD CONTENT on the internet). After those six
weeks, Fox would pay me $250 for the next year of unlimited internet viewing.
Yep, two hundred and fifty dollars. Unless, of course, Fox decided to call my
episode a “promotional tool,” in which case, I would receive nothing.

Oh, and any future internet streaming of “Wedding Crashers,” also shown
with ad content? Bob would receive nothing.

Obviously, this deal was unacceptable to the WGA. We presented a counter
proposal. The AMPTP said that our proposal was unacceptable. However,
instead of offering the next counter proposal (which is what it seems one
should DO in NEGOTIATIONS), they instead said (and I quote):

“Your determination to continue to pursue these initiatives prevents us from
making any movement in any other area. Therefore, unless you advise us
immediately that these proposals are withdrawn, we see no purpose in
continuing these talks.”

Basically, another ultimatum: drop your demands or we’re not even talking.
Just like we dropped the DVD demand, and of course we know how that turned
out. As the WGA did not immediately agree to drop the six demands in question
(to do this would have effectively torpedoed any bargaining power we had), the
AMPTP walked out of negotiations, and immediately issued a LENGTHY, already
prepared press release, blaming the writers for the break up of the talks.

On December 13, the WGA filed Unfair Labor Practice charges against the AMPTP
with the National Labor Relations Board, citing their unilateral walkout from
negotiations and their on-going refusal to bargain. No one expects the courts
to actually do anything in a timely matter, but we wanted to make a point.

And that’s the current stalemate.

Now, as for the deals with David Letterman’s company, Worldwide Pants, and
United Artists: the AMPTP is a marriage-of-convenience organization of many
different production companies. Each of those companies is free to negotiate
a separate deal, which is what Worldwide Pants and UA did. Not many other
companies can do that, though, because almost all of them are owned by or rely
on (for distribution or some such thing) one of the big eight companies, who
are the ones forcing the strike and trying to break the unions (no, I actually
DON’T think I’m being hyperbolic). Comedy Central tried to work out a
side deal with the WGA so that John Stewart and Stephen Colbert could return
to the air with their writers, but Comedy Central is owned by Viacom – the
WGA is not in any mood to help Viacom out right now.

THE MOOD HERE IN LOS ANGELES:

Okay, but… well, it can get contentious. The strike is costing the city
MILLIONS and affecting the livelihoods of many, many people. While the
writers are, for the most part, still receiving a lot of support from the
public-at-large, that may change as the strike drags on. The AMPTP has
employed a top PR firm to try and sway public and industry opinion against the
writers. They’re good at what they do.

Within the entertainment industry (the entire industry, not the WGA), there is
a good deal of division over the strike. But, as a friend of mine pointed
out, “the people who hate us now are the same people who’ve always hated
us.” Meaning, there are people who have always thought that writers were
overpaid, spoiled, think they’re smarter than everyone else, don’t
“really” work, etc. And MANY of the other people in the industry resent
the fact that writers get residuals in the first place. So, there is a vocal
camp of people here in LA who are furious at the selfish writers who are
putting people out of work so that they can get “paid twice.”**

On the other hand, here’s a report from a location picket (this is when we
picket at the site of a specific movie filming location, rather than in front
of a studio) earlier this week:

“Our group was there for about 7 hours. The producers were completely
demoralized, especially after they saw that our group hadn't left after the
company broke for lunch. Patrons and business owners apparently bought our
guys jamba juices and coffees. A lot of the crew was openly in support of us.
At one point, one of the main grips walked over to talk to us, and the
producer said, ‘Why are you on their side? They're trying to put you out of
the work.’ The grip didn't miss a beat: ‘They're not trying to put me out
of work. You are.’ ”

** Re: residuals: in case you yourself still happen to be wondering why,
exactly, writers get residuals, I’m going to let my fellow writer John
August explain it to you:

http://johnaugust.com/archives/2007/why-writers-get-residuals

Hope that cleared things up.

Anyway, we’re not striking over matters of public opinion, and we’re not
striking so that our fellow entertainment industry workers will like us.
We’re striking to get a good contract.

THE MOOD WITHIN THE WGA:

For the most part, united. But the strike is taking its toll, and there is
definitely some dissention among the ranks. The WGA membership encompasses a
WIDE variety of people, and it’s difficult to satisfy all the priorities.
While there are a number of members who disagree with how our leadership is
handling things, the timber of disagreement mostly falls into the “loyal
opposition” category. Think of it as in-fighting within a political party.
But still, it’s pretty amazingly united: even if everyone isn’t agreeing
on tactics and methods, most are agreeing on how important the stakes are.

However, in the interests of being sort of balanced (but let’s face it,
I’m extremely biased), here’s an op-ed written by the only
semi-high-profile writer who’s decided to go “Financial Core,” which
means he basically withdrew from the Guild (though he gets to keep his health
and pension – I know, sweet deal, right? But legally, the Guild has to
offer this option):

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oew-ridley8jan08,0,170282.story?coll=la-opinion-center

The AMPTP knows that chipping away at our unity is the most effective thing
they can do to force us to take a bad deal. To that end, they have had their
spin machine working overtime to stir up fear and dissent within the WGA.
Here are the tactics they have used, both in and out of negotiations.
They’re classic bargaining maneuvers:

* Lower the expectations of the other side, divide and conquer.
* Raise and lower the expectations of the other side, divide and conquer.
* Do everything possible to destroy the credibility of the other side's
leadership, divide and conquer.
* Use confidants and back channels to go over the heads of the stronger
leaders to the softer targets. Divide and conquer.
* When you figure out the other side's bottom line, offer a fraction. It's
surprising how many times that stands.

This strategy has worked for the AMPTP for the last twenty years. They hope
we'll splinter, lose faith in and attack each other, negotiate against
ourselves, and cave.

It takes a lot of energy to stand up to this. Okay, I’ve been trying to
finish this email since Tuesday, and once again I’m running out of steam,
so, if you’re interested, here’s a post that’s pretty inline with my
current thinking (read the text, you don’t need to watch the video):

http://unitedhollywood.blogspot.com/2007/12/as-long-as-it-takes.html

SUMMING UP:

The Directors’ Guild of America starts their negotiations with the AMPTP
tomorrow. The DGA historically has a much less contentious relationship with
the AMPTP, for reasons that, once again, I am too tired to go into (sorry… I
wanted this email to be thorough, but I’ve already been sitting in front of
my computer for over eight hours today, reading and writing emails). Anyway,
the important thing is, if the DGA is able to make a good deal with the AMPTP,
then there’s a good chance that the WGA will also be able to make a deal.
But if the DGA caves on the issues the WGA believes to be most important (the
WGA and the DGA do have slightly differing priorities), then there’s a good
chance we may be on strike until the Screen Actors’ Guild’s contract
expires, in June, and they go on strike, too. SAG’s priorities are much
more in line with the WGA’s.

But, the thing is… all of this could change at any moment. And until
something concrete happens, everything is speculation. If you’re interested
in occasionally checking in on strike matters, check out

http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/

and

http://unitedhollywood.blogspot.com/

Deadline Hollywood is an entertainment news blog, and while its author
sometime falls prey to rumors or spin, her information is usually quite
accurate, or at least more accurate than anything you’ll read or hear in any
other news outlet.

United Hollywood is run by WGA members.

A final fun tidbit:

Here’s what Ben Silverman (NBC co-chief) said about the demise of the Golden
Globes: "Sadly, it feels like the nerdiest, ugliest, meanest kids in the high
school are trying to cancel the prom."

Nice! Good to know exactly what your employer thinks of you!

--------

As legendary producer Irving Thalberg said, almost seventy years ago, “The
most important part in filmmaking is played by the writers." However, he
added, "We must do everything in our power to keep them from finding out."

Yeah, well, too late. Which doesn’t mean we can win this – but I sure
hope we do.

Happy New Year,
K

deeply saturated

2008-01-12T00:19:00.000-05:00

I love wine induced babblings, especially when I find them months after they were written. I know what I was talking about and this is very dramatic and just plain...
Bad.
I like it though. I like writing when I’m waiting for the train. I always have bits of paper in my bag. Keeps the crazies away.

***

City Hall
Waiting for Brooklyn Bound R or N.

It’s about 1:20 or so.

*

Your words were so sticky that I’m still trying to free myself.
It’s sort of like gum stuck on your jeans—or something you can manage to remove it with ice or such and sometimes—no matter what you try—it remains.
It has set in. It is deeply saturated between the fibers.
I cannot rid myself of it.
Like a stick to your ribs meal.
Mashed potatoes with extra butter.
Pizza with too much cheese.
Ice cream with too much hot fudge…
Just too much of what I wanted?
…what I truly desired and needed…
was it more with the intention to compensate?
It did.
It did compensate and I almost consumed every last bit of it.
I had been starving.
I wanted it.
I did.
But I was certain that if I were to indulge that I would could surely anticipate a stomachache.
You know, from all of that sweetness and overload of

*
Absolutely horrid!

here we go again...

2008-01-01T15:09:00.001-05:00

It's 2:00 PM. I woke a short time ago. I rarely let myself sleep in so late.
Last night I worked. I don't mind too much working on New Years Eve. I prefer that to going out, unless it's an intimate gathering.

We got to wear pretty girl clothes instead of those hideous uniforms that we're STILL wearing. Our dresses have not come in yet and we're all tired of looking like boys. So, all of us got dressed up and it was kind of like being out at an upscale club…except we were serving.

At midnight our manager let us grab a Pierriet Jouet Champagne Split and we toasted the New Year! I chugged mine…and I'm not the kind of person to chug a drink. In fact, I'm not fond of chugging at all so I've no idea why I did it. Especially since over the holidays I've been toasting this, that and the other thing…Christmas Eve…Christmas…seeing old friends…going to a going away party…so now…detox time.

It was almost time for me to leave when this guy came up to get his bill/credit card. I think he's French and he's also a friend with one of the managers. It's a private club so everyone knows the managers but anyway, I charged his credit card and it declined. He said that he didn't have another card and asked if my manager could comp it. Usually, this sort of request gets on my nerves. You know, presumptuous, entitled behavior is very unattractive to me. But he was not terribly annoying for some reason and I was feeling playful so I said, "OK, I'll ask my manager but you are going to tip us right?" and he said, "Wait here".

A moment later he returned and handed me $20.00. And then? He kissed me on each cheek. And THEN? He lifted me so my legs were hanging over his arms and proceeded to spin me around 4 times and I accidentally kicked my friend Tino in the head. And then he dropped me and said, "I'm sorry, I'm so drunk!"

Then Marcia and I attempted to catch a cab. At this point it was about 2:00 AM. And no cabs were available. So we walked, and walked…and some guy began chatting her up. And his friend began speaking to me. I would not say that I'm a rude person but I just wanted to go home and put on my pajamas. He was nice enough…they were visiting from San Diego. They were totally sober. He kept asking, "So what are you guys up to now?" and I'm pretty sure that I said, "Going home and going to bed" about 3 times, if not four. And he asked, "How are you feeling about company?" and I was just taken back by his forwardness. "Nope". Maybe I'm just not as adventurous as I used to be but I don't like that. And I find it so bizarre that someone you meet at 2:15 AM is asking to come over to your house at 2:30 AM. And of course, I am not naïve. I'm in my late 30's. I know what this means but…um… no thanks.

Marcia and I never did find a free cab so we patiently waited for the train.

And we didn't have to wait to long so we were soooo happy!

As far as my feelings on the New Year are? Well, I'm feeling incredibly inspired and focused. I'm spending the next three days working on some things that are due next week. Some exciting possibilities are…um, possible and I'm really excited!

Redundant much?

Also, I purchased myself this notebook collection. One year of white pages. It was pretty expensive but they will be lovely when completed. I will share.

Want one?
I got mine at Barnes & Noble

Happiest New Year Everyone!

Holiday Greetings!

2007-12-22T13:53:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone!

Here is my Holiday card that I made!
It's a hand made stamp...I still haven't sent out my cards...my goal is to do it by next week.
Better late than never, right?

xoox,
~Jolene

balance.

2007-12-14T11:10:00.001-05:00

As I grow older I notice that I’m mellowing out a bit, which I’m happy with but I still struggle with balance. Don’t want to be too passive nor do I want to be too aggressive and I definitely don’t want to be passive/aggressive.

I observe the behaviors of healthy people in healthy relationships and those with a great attitude and excellent work ethic.

In the past I have overacted. I thought that to show your passion and to prove your point you had to be very dramatic about it. Of course, with therapy and surrounding myself with healthy people…I’m learning…it’s better to be calm and diplomatic.

I know myself well enough. I know what makes me happy and what causes my tolerance to become low, which makes me unhappy.

I need sleep.
I need exercise.
I need water.
I need small healthy meals.
I need comfy shoes.
I need pretty lipstick.
I need manicured fingernails.

You understand, don’t you?

I have a long weekend ahead of me followed by a long week. I know for a fact that I will not get the required amount of sleep that I need to function well. I’m probably looking at 6 hours of sleep tonight before my double shift tomorrow.

I believe that I’ve mentioned how much I love my job. I love it. A LOT. It’s in a great location and my co-workers are lovely and I have insurance. I don’t however love double shifts. I have done a few doubles since I’ve been there but a double is really like a triple because a single shift is most of the time, 9 hours.

Tomorrow I have to be to work at 8:30 AM and then begin work in the bar at 3:30 PM. I’m really not looking forward to it, especially because on Sunday I have to be back to work at 11. I hate to complain to management because I do need the money and don’t want to be viewed as being difficult. I have already asked that I don’t get scheduled any more double shifts so…that is resolved but…ugh…it’s going to be a struggle. After about 10 hours I begin to fade. I will allow myself to take a cab tonight…and tomorrow morning and tomorrow night. This will be my reward and I will reward myself with a mani/pedi on Monday.

Okie dokie…
Have a safe weekend.

holiday goodies!

2007-12-12T14:21:00.000-05:00

A message & super, duper deal from Process & Feral House!

***

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Here's how it works: Order two books with a credit card from our website. As soon as you place the order, send us a separate email (to info@feralhouse.com ) with the title of the third book you would like us to send you (the third book must be the same price or lower than the others). Then we'll send you all the books together, within 1-2 days.

As an added gift, Process has partnered with Eco-Libris, and Eco-Libris will for plant a tree--that's right, a whole tree!--for each Process book you order directly from us. A cute little sticker with the information will come with each book, which adds a nice touch for all your tree hugging friends.

Order now, as we have limited quantities of these books in our office. But if you order as late as Sunday, December 16, chances are very good that you'll get your books before the holidays.

Thank you again for your kind support of Process, Feral House, and independent publishing. We greatly appreciate it.

Happy holidays!!

***

It's a really great deal!
Check it out!

Smooooooooooch!!!

boots, we have a problem...

2007-12-01T11:00:00.000-05:00

The problem is that I love platform shoes. The problem is not having an addiction to them in the way that I go out and purchase too many of them. The problem is that I'm a klutz.

I fall. A lot. Completely sober.

A few weeks ago I was crossing a cobble-stoned street in the Meat Packing District. I was behind some lookie loo tourists and I was growing impatient so I sped up and attempted to go around them. I tumbled. Landing, naturally, directly in front of them. You can imagine my shame when they were kind enough to lift me to my feet.

The other day before the Thrill Kill show I met with Sarah to have a glass of wine and the lovely and elegant wine bar, The House.

Before leaving I had to use the loo. As I was walking down the stairs my foot hit the edge of the stair and I lost balance and went flying. Flying. I landed on my right side and then proceeded to go, boom, boom, boom, boom…down the stairs. It was so scary! The Matre D came running after me saying, "Are you OK? Are you OK?" I was OK. Just EXTREMELY embarrassed, especially since at the bottom of the stairs was another dining area packed full of stylish and, most likely, graceful New Yorkers.

Anyway, I felt fine. I hit my finger, probably on the railing and hurt the back of my thigh, which, is now covered in the loveliest shade of purple.

Is anyone else a klutz like me?

thrill kill.

2007-12-01T10:56:00.000-05:00

I went to see My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult last night.

My long, long, long time friend has been singing with them for a few years.
She sang a special song just for me!!!
inging with them for a few years.
She sang a special song just for me!!!

i go upset.

2007-11-25T20:25:00.001-05:00

* “I go upset” is a phrase that one of the bus boys from Bangladesh uses when he’s angry.

I’m not depressed. I’m just disappointed and it’s probably a combination of a couple things. First and foremost, I’m tired. I have a difficult time working day shifts. I don’t work so many as my routine is to do writing/artwork in the morning and go to the gym and work my “day” job at night. But often times, on the weekends, I have to work a day shift. I am one of those people who can function better getting only 4 hours of sleep and working all through the night than getting 8 hours and waking early to work in the day time. I’ve always been this way, even through my years of working in film production when I would often wake at 4 A.M. I learned to deal with it and to even be fairly pleasant at that hour….even to the oblivious stock people at the grocery stores where I generally began my day. (I was doing film production catering). I preferred to be invisible, I swear. And I’m sure I gave that impression. You know how you can just read people but some, the clueless, would just assume that since you’re awake then you should be happy and friendly.

Anyway, I’m veering off track. Basically, I am tired and cranky at the moment and I don’t want to take a nap because it’s almost 8:00 P.M. and that would just be silly. (Not that I haven’t done that a million times)… So today, around 4:00 P.M. I went to retrieve my sandwich, that I last saw when I put my name on a piece of paper and taped it to my neatly wrapped sandwich at about 2:30 this morning….I couldn’t find it. It was gone. Someone obviously just threw it out. That bothers me. I know it’s just a silly $4.00 sandwich but I think it’s just rude. Do people not think about things? Would it be a huge effort to look at it and see to whom it belonged to and ask that person (me) if I still wanted it? I know that I’m probably guilty of unknowingly doing inconsiderate things but I to TRY most of the time to do the right thing and I get frustrated when people don’t do the right thing. Like, for example, years ago I was working at a restaurant in Burbank and I had found this legal notepad lying around. It had some notes in it. I was intending to take it to lost and found but later in the day I saw it sticking out of the garbage and I asked my co-worker who threw it out and she said that she had and I told her that I was going to take it to lost and found, that it could be important to someone and she said that that didn’t occur to her. Did she lack common sense or was she stupid or insensitive. I don’t know.

I don’t know.... Awhile back a friend of mine found a shopping bag of clothes in a restaurant and didn’t turn it in. I suggested that the person who left it might come back to retrieve it and that she should turn it in. She said that it was “their fault” for leaving it. That was her justification for keeping it.

I think I’m too sensitive.
Do you think I’m too sensitive?

full bellies.

2007-11-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

For the first half of my day I was at work, which was painfully slow…but afterwards I was invited to have a Vegan Thanksgiving dinner at my friend Kitty's.

She's a wonderful cook and awesome hostess!!!
She made EVERYTHING. Baked tofu, baked yams with VEGAN marshmallows, kale, Brussels sprouts, stuffed mushrooms, the BEST bean dip ever, etc…etc. It was amazing.

This is some INSANE Peanut Butter Bomb cake that Kitty bought.
INSANE!!!

I brought the cutest bottle of wine. Yes, I just referred to a bottle of wine cute. Seriously, I do judge books by their covers. I'm working on this. Can't help it. This bottle was irresistible. And the cork? Cute as a button. Don't believe me? Check it out. (Must be 21 years or older)

The Cuttest Little Wine Bottle

You may have heard me mention my clumsiness. I am not graceful at all. I try to be. I'm just not. If someone is going to accidentally collapse the dinner table on Thanksgiving and send lovely wine glasses to the floor to break into a million pieces. That someone? Would be me.

(My apologies once again Kitty)

Here is another reason why I love Kitty, yet did not realize until I went into her home. She's an organization freak!!! (like me!!!)

But just because I love Kitty, and just because she fed me yummy home cooked food on Thanksgiving, DOES NOT mean that I won't knock her sensless in a game of Wii boxing.

You'd better watch it girl!!!

And tennis with Greg? I wasn't too bad actually!!!

(This is me in my pre game concentration.)

Do you know about the Wii? I'm a bit behind the times. You know that I don't have a television therefore I have no games to play. THIS was fascinating to me!!!

Annaleese made a "Jolene" character. This is how "she" was born.

And then she gets plopped into the world of all the other Wii characters and scratches her had as she stands.

Whatta?

I'm also sorry to inform you that I SUCK at Guitar Hero. I really wanted to be good. I'm just not musically inclined…not even virtually.

?

Jolene is thankful...

2007-11-22T08:50:00.000-05:00

that she has a job that she loves.
because her friends are the coolest, smartest, kindest an most wonderful friends she could ask for...
that she is no longer sleeping on an air mattress and although her king sized bed is in storage on the other side of the country, her present bed is pretty darned comfy.
that she can hear.
that she can see.
that she can walk all over the city of New York which is BTW the coolest, most inspiring city that she can legally reside in. (Amsterdam, I miss you!)
for the interesting people who entertain her at the subway stops.
for bagels and cream cheese, Tasti D-Lite, and Hummus Place.
for smooth glasses of red wine.
for pajamas and fluffy socks...
knowing she will spend Christmas with her family.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

oh f*ck.

2007-11-20T12:59:00.000-05:00

I am now obsessed with You Tube.

dit hart is ZO groot!

2007-11-18T21:59:00.000-05:00

Chud from the Netherlands asked me if I know what the song "Groot Hart" by the Dutch band De Dijk means. I think that the song itself is about about a man who is in love with a woman or with women in general. Groot Hart means "Big Heart".

Dokter, kunt u even komen
Breng uw beste medicijn
Ik heb er nu al jaren last vast
Ook al doet het niet echt pijn
Maar ik val voor alle vrouwen
Alle vrouwen op 't bal
En da's teveel om van te houden
Dokter, het is een spoedgeval

Doctor, can you come…
Bring with you the best medicine.
I have all year…something…something…
Also…something…have not real pain.
But I fall for all women.
All women…something…something…
And that's all for feeling from my heart.
Doctor who is a specialist.

refr.:
Ik heb een groot hart
Dit hart, is zo groot
Het wordt nog m'n dood
Dit hart, is zo groot
Ik heb een groot hart

I have a big heart.
This heart, is so big.
It will be my death.
This heart, is so big.
I have a big heart.

Neem een ochtend als vanochtend
Vroeg op en de zon die scheen
Opgeruimd loop ik naar buiten
En 'k zie een meisje, ik denk alleen
Ik dacht dat ze naar me lachtte
Dus vrolijk lach ik naar haar terug
Maar die boom was haar vriend
Dokter, komt u vlug

Take…something…something…something
Something….
Something..I'm walking…something…
And I see a girl, I think all…
Something…something…
So, I something about her smiling back (?)
But the tree (slang for guy?) was her boyfriend.
Doctor, please come fast.

Dokter, straks is het weer lente
Als u begrijpt, wat dat ik bedoel
Al dat moois langs 's Heere wegen
En dat geeft me dat gevoel
Loop driemaal daags onder 'n auto
Ik stoot dagelijks vijf keer m'n kop
En da's teveel om van te houden
Dokter, weet u daar iets op

Doctor, later when it's spring time…(???)
You understand, don't you?
All the beautiful something goes…
And that gave me fear.
Something….
I spent five days of time…something…
Doctor….something about the weather…

Chud…lemme know how I did. My Dutch is a little rusty.

What this song really makes me think of is Café De Waard on de Leidseplein.
When I lived there in 1999, I used to go there all the time with my Dutch friends.

I think about Arjan, (the owner, I think) dancing around excitedly singing "It's Raining Men", clearly not understanding the meaning. Café De Waard brings back all sorts of memoires. I find myself thinking of a man I'll refer to as Pim, whom I was romantically involved with but who was emotionally unavailable…didn't really show any emotion until I got close to his friend whom I'll call Dirk and well, Pim didn't really like that…but he was all over the place anyway. Emotionally, that is.

I had a couple of good girlfriends there. One, was Ingrid whom I've lost touch with and one was Jelka Van Houten who is now a famous actress in Holland. I remember the night before I left I had a going away party at Café De Waard and all of my friends came and they put up red, white and blue balloons up everywhere and had "Good-Bye Jolene" signs. It was brilliant and lovely. I miss Amsterdam! I must get back there soon!

fluff chick.

2007-11-14T00:33:00.000-05:00

I'm so happy! I found Jenny. Or rather, Jenny found me. Jenny is a character from my book and I think I have not seen her since 1988. Maybe 1989. We spoke on the phone tonight and she sounded just the same and she said that I sounded the same and she said that sometimes her laugh sounds a little old. And I laughed and said that sometimes I snort when I'm laughing at something that caught me off guard or something inappropriate. We talked about the night I gothed her out and we went to see Gene Loves Jezebel and somehow Michael Aston ended up in her car and how she did a U-turn and got pulled over by a cop and when she was trying to explain to him that she actually had no idea that doing a U-turn when no one was in sight was illegal. He thought she was being a punk ass brat but she was being sincere. But seriously? Try having one of these guys in the back seat and having an Ohio cop take you seriously in 1988.

And god, she made me laugh tonight because she said, "Fluff Chick" and I haven't heard that term for ages because no one gets perms anymore. Fluff chicks were our enemies and she reminded me that that night some of those fluff chicks were mean to us at the concert. Bitches!

She reminded me of when one night she spent the night. We were sleeping on the floor in the living room and my mom got up early for work and she couldn't find her keys. (She could NEVER find her keys!!!) and she got really mad at me (I was sleeping, remember?) and she kicked me and called me a bastard. You know I'm healed from all of this now…but it's just funny to speak to someone who you really haven't spoken to you since you've been out in the adult world and how familiar and comforting

iam...

2007-11-12T01:15:00.000-05:00

home.

So much to say. Too little time to say it.
I believe that I am home. It means a lot of things....might sound a bit vague or esoteric but it's not meant to be. I'm home.
More soon.

Love,
Joleneinpajamas

pigtail buns.

2007-11-04T23:50:00.001-05:00

Ok. So up until last week I had a pretty cute work uniform. It was a shirt dress like this one:

Which I loved and felt very comfortable wearing. But now, some changes are being made so while they decide what our new dress will be I have to wear something like this:

But with a long tie and a long apron. AND….because I’m not allowed to wear pigtails, I’ve been putting my shoulder length hair into little pigtail bunswhich are sort of like Princess Leia buns except for a whole lot smaller and perhaps a little higher on the head.

So, today I'm working a brunch shift and I’m serving this man and his daughter who is about 3 or 4 years of age. I say, “Hello!” and she excitedly says, “You have hair like a cat!” (I guess my odango style looks like kitten ears or such). I say, “Oh, you’re so sweet, would you like some crayons?” and she says “No” then pauses and asks, “But do you have any teddy bears?”

It was too freakin’ cute.

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-30T17:14:00.000-04:00

all the sugar...

2007-10-14T14:05:00.000-04:00

...twice the caffeine.

*

I'm missing my high school reunion this weekend. I had intended to go. In fact, I missed the Stain Reunion in Toledo, I missed my Family reunion, which was last weekend all because I had intended on going to my high school reunion. My best friend from high school was to be my date but…the on going updates revealed that there was not much interest. It wasn't certain until just two weeks ago that the reunion was even going to happen. I had to miss out. I was really looking forward to seeing some people. Didn't happen. I missed 3 reunions this past summer. What will take place, which will be fun, is that tonight my employer is throwing a party for us. The do this yearly to thank the employees. The owner is going to cook for us. There will be a cocktails first and then dinner and then more cocktails at another venue. Fun!

Something disturbing is happening as of late. I've begun saying "old people things"* like for example. There is this young punk rock boy who I work with. He's funny. He says quirky things. It was maybe his second day or so and we were on the elevator together and he looked at me and asked, "Do you speak French by chance?" and I said, "No, I'm sorry. Why do you ask?" and he responded, "Oh, I just hoped that you did." Random.

So the other day something came up. I can't remember the topic specifically but I said, "I was punk rock before you were born" (and of course, what I really meant was that I was a punk rock WANNA BE before he was born.) and he said, "What were you like five?" and I just grinned and realized at that moment…I am an older woman! Fuck, I don't even know how it happened. It crept up on me. I'm an older woman. I tell myself that I should let go of my pigtails but I…I can't seem to let go of the pigtails.

So, the other day I left a Happy Birthday message for an ex of mine. He was my one and only "older man". I was 25 when I met him. He was 37. He's an actor…and a bit of a child. He has probably not gone a day without a drink in all the years that I have known him. I learned from my therapist, while I was in that relationship that emotional growth is halted when excessive alcohol consumption begins to take place. That would mean that he is as emotionally mature as a 19 year old. Sad. So anyway, I spent 7 years off and on with him. I care about him, but I don't want him in my daily life. He called me on my birthday so I should call him on his, right? I called his home number because I was pretty sure that I'd get his machine. I did. He returned my call to thank me but had to make sure he said this, "I'm 50 years old. I can't fucking believe it! Craziness. Anyway, lots of crazy shit going down in my world. I woke up with my 26-year old girlfriend yesterday and broke up with her in the evening. She comes with too much baggage. Another beautiful foreign girl. I seem to have such a soft spot in my head for idiots."

And I cringe hard. Was I REALLY with this man? I don't wish to be mean. I only write this because I'm pretty sure he would never read my blog. The last I knew he didn't even have a computer but…well…anyway…I just don't have a whole lot of tolerance for people who don't desire to grow and learn from the past.

I went to bed at 4:30 and woke up at 12:30. I should go get some exercise before the party. Yay, party!

* Other commonly used "older people" expressions include:

We didn't have the Internet when we were kids.
We didn't didn't have digital cameras…
We didn't have iPods…
We didn't have Red Bull (we had Jolt Cola)…
We wrote letters by HAND and sent them through the POST office then waited patiently for a response!!!
What do you mean you don't know what a mix tape is???
And last but not least, we did NOT have Hot Topic. We bought our dog chains at pet stores damnit!

thoughts.

2007-10-13T10:56:00.000-04:00

It’s a beautiful October Saturday morning. It actually feels like October. On Monday my jeans were sticking to me because of the humidity and last night on my way home from work I was shivering.

I’ve had a really busy week and my tolerance has been low. I grow frustrated when I don’t have time to work on my projects. I’ve been reading a lot on the subway but have had no real time to relax.

I saw a drug bust go down the other day and it was unnerving. It wasn’t violent but it was just disturbing. I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood for an appointment and it was sunny and beautiful out and men were being frisked and handcuffed. I just don’t like seeing that shit. I also don’t like reading about school shootings and the war in Iraq and the casualties…I’m saddened that Lily and Mingus and Pepper all died within a year and a half of each other and that time goes by so fast. I don’t like that when I’m tired that I become even clumsier. I don’t like hate mail or hearing what people don’t like about me, that my writing “sucks” and all of the other things that people who don’t like themselves say to feel better.

I’ve been doing an experiment in which I assume that everyone is smart and on my side. It’s kind of fun.

The other day as I walked into Sephora, a man was walking out. He did not attempt to keep the door open for me or for the woman behind him. I held the door. The woman gave me a giant smile and told me to have a nice night. I believe that she meant it.

I heard Perry Farrell on KROQ and he was talking about the way he writes. He said that he always keeps a notebook with him and that there’s something about thoughts traveling from your brain to your hand. I agree. I do this also, as much as possible. It’s for me. It makes me happy.

great.

2007-10-10T22:47:00.000-04:00

I'm fucking sick of this.

Ohio Shooting.

Of course they're going to blame music. Of course.

i

2007-10-10T11:16:00.001-04:00

hit the snooze button for 3 HOURS this morning.
I was dreaming about an ex and we were my new room which was really messy (sadly, like mine is now) and I had purchased a brand new beautiful bed as well as various soft drinks from various places. Starbucks and Baskin Robins to name a few. There was also red bull and snapple and a bunch of other things I never drink. There were cruise ships and tour busses and yes, to answer what you may be thinking.

I believe I'm half asleep.

8:09 AM -

that's more like it!

2007-10-09T11:05:00.000-04:00

It's overcast & breezy
and I am so happy.

*

Side note:
It's a sad state of affairs when your local Walgreens stores their toothbrush selection behind a locked case. My opinion? Toothbrushes & toothpaste should be free.

dear October...

2007-10-06T11:10:00.000-04:00

Dear October,

Why are you so hot? Where are your breezy afternoons? I’m dying to wear layers and I’m STILL in my August wardrobe. You are making me crazy.

Does this have anything to do with Global Warming?

I’m doing my part BTW. I carry my tote bag to the supermarket. I unplug my phone charger when not in use. I recycle! In fact, I am the leader of the “Recycle” department on the “Green Team” at work. I’ve watched An Inconvenient Truth. I know what’s up.

Thank you ever so much!
My cozy sweaters are anxious.

~jolene

*

CONTEST NEWS!

I have a busy weekend so I may not be around so much but as soon as Melissa gives me the word on the winner of the Violet on the Runway contest, I will post it!

books & the sensitive soul.

2007-10-05T12:48:00.000-04:00

Regarding Johnny’s comment on my last blog:

“God... I swear I was placed into the wrong gender I was checking some more info out on the book and it sounds great. I'll definitly go pick it up. I love gender confusion. I mean not really, I know Im a guy. Thats fine, but for some reason I cannot get enough of these types of books. Speaking of books.. Jolene.. ermm....NEXT ONE! lol Sorry if this didn't make much sense Im over tired and off to bed.”
-Posted by Johnny Napalm

He’s was speaking about Melissa Walker's book Violet on the Runway. OK, Johnny you really should not feel strange about reading a book with a girl protagonist/narrator. When I was writing Go Ask Ogre I was sure that young women would identify but I was so surprised when I began to receive letters from young men who identified. Honestly, I don’t know why I was so surprised. Writing Go Ask Ogre brought out the voracious reader in me. I always liked reading but had a hard time finding books that held my attention. In high school I read and re-read Go Ask Alice and The Diary of Anne Frank and then there was The Executioner’s Song (WTF? I know, I was like 13 years old walking around w/ this book.)

Anyway, there are so many interesting books out there now and especially with YA books, they’re so real now. I’ve seen some upset and conservative parent’s reviews on Amazon.com. Some of them don’t like drug and sex references in these books but this is reality and I believe it’s important to document it this way.

When I began doing research on writing a book and seeking an agent I learned about “YA” (young adult) and I was afraid that Go Ask Ogre would not be appropriate for teens because of the mention of sex and drug experimentation. Of course, Go Ask Alice and the other Beatrice Sparks books deal with real issues. But in ways, I feel they’re censored. I don’t mind that they’re dated because that’s history and history is fun…Anyway, back to what I was saying about “audience” and books. Look at books like The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, the protagonist is young man but I can identify.

And also, Joe Meno who wrote the brilliant book, Hairstyles of The Damned
(Johnny Napalm and Andrew you would both LOVE this book!)

I also HIGHLY recommend these titles:

Please Don't Kill the Freshman by Zoe Trope

How Soon Is Never? by Marc Spitz

Namedropper by Emma Forrest

The Girl I Wanted To Be by Sarah Grace McCandless

I also want to mention The Freedom Writers Diary. Did you see the movie? It’s brilliant. It’s on DVD now. It’s well-written and heart wrenching and real. The diary entries are written by the students of Erin Gruwell and most of these kids had a really difficult home life. I suggest that you visit the Freedom Writers website to read the details but basically, these teens really open up and it’s fascinating. It shows how much we are all alike deep down inside.

Freedom Writers Website

That’s one thing that’s kind of interesting to me, since my book came out…I’ll find some message board conversations about Go Ask Ogre and I see how quick people are to make judgments when they don’t really know what me or my book is about. They say things about how my life was not that difficult in comparison to a lot of people (yes, I know this and have never denied it or put myself out there as such a great victim) and other people have said things about my artwork and how it’s nothing special which, I have never claimed it to be. That’s not the point. The point is that it came from emotion. Sorry to go off on this tangent but I find it funny…especially when I come across conversations like this:

blah blah blah judge judge blah blah blah judge

And read about the misunderstandings about my book. And I’ve received some “hate mail” and I it’s amazing to me that someone would feel so much anger towards me and feel compelled to tell me about it when they don’t even know me.

Oh dear, I have gone off on a tangent, haven’t I?

What I was going to say is that I’m working on “Do You Think He Likes Me?” and to answer your question Johnny, books take a lot time. You have to write a proposal and if you’re lucky enough to be working with an agent, you get some feedback and you tweak things here and there and, in the meantime, you work a full time job. And…when you finally do get a book deal, the book will probably not be released for another year. So…it’s gonna be awhile before it comes out. But I thank you for being so anxious to read it!

gimme.

2007-10-03T13:11:00.000-04:00

Around 9AM

I’d be a lot happier if I were still in pajamas in bed. I was having in a nice dream damnit! But then someone came POUNDING at my door informing me that the men would be coming soon to drill a hole in my ceiling. Not the news I had hoped to hear. We were told that we would have 72 hours notice. What I received was a piece of paper that I was lucky to find when I came home after hanging out with the cool kids.

Sarah Grace moved here barely a month ago and already knows everyone! After I got my manicure (nails are finally growing!) I met SG at The Tea Lounge. (They serve wine there!) and then Melissa showed up and signed a copy of her book for me!

And then Jason Bitner (co-creater of Found Magazine and author of the new book LaPorte, Indiana showed up so he, SG and I went for salads at Black Pearl. (They serve wine there!)

Jason left, so SG and I carried on up (?) 5th Avenue for a quick Chocolate fix at The Chocolate Room.

And finally to the Garden of the 4th Avenue Pub.(They serve wine there!)

So, you’re probably waiting to hear about the contest I mentioned yesterday, are you not?

*

Meet Melissa Walker, The lovely author of “Violet On the Runway”

And I’m sure you remember Sarah Grace McCandless, the lovely author of both Gross Pointe Girl & The Girl I wanted To Be”

And of course you know me… right?

Here’s what I want.

Strike your best model pose.
Post it on my blog.
And, you could win an autographed copy of Violet on the Runway by Melissa Walker!

A little about VIOLET ON THE RUNWAY:

A wallflower in the spotlight can do one of two things: wilt, or blossom...

Violet Greenfield's life changes forever when a lady in giant Chanel shades tells her she could be IT, the next Kate Moss-but taller, and without the PR problems. That's how Violet winds up with a business card in the front pocket of her jeans on her first day as a senior in high school. Angela Blythe from Tryst Models in New York City wants to put Violet on a plane and whisk her into the world of high-heeled boots and oversized sunglasses. Tall, skinny Violet, who's been P-L-A-I-N practically forever.

And guess what? She's going.

About the Author
Melissa Walker has written for national teen magazines and recently fulfilled a life-long dream by appearing as a talking head "expert" on VH1's The Fabulous Life of Celebrity Kids. She has a BA in English from Vassar College.

*****

Ladies with an attitude
Fellows that were in the mood
Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Strike a pose, there's nothing to it!
~Madonna

ten things.

2007-09-30T12:22:00.001-04:00

September 30,3007

1. I love coffee. A lot. I love coffee with cream & stevia (well, sugar actually but only on special occasions.)
2. I love walking.
3. I am a pack rat.
4. Gum cracking, snapping & popping makes me seriously crazy. I'm not lying. I think it triggers some kind of loony cell in my brain. So if you are around me and you're doing the above mentioned and I have to excuse myself…now you know why.
5. I talk a lot.
6. I'm very enthusiastic…but can sometimes be very quiet.
7. I am a perfectionist. This is not a good thing, I realize. I'm working on it.
8. I loathe being approached on the street by people trying to sell me things or talk to me about something, even if it's a worthy cause that interests me. If I'm out on the street that means that I have an agenda and I don't like to be interrupted.
9. I really dislike when people project their insecurities on me. I try to stop myself when I'm projecting my insecurities on others.
10. I'm a bit of a Pollyanna.

haiku contest!

2007-09-25T13:39:00.000-04:00

A Haiku about
The fun 80’s could win you
“Grosse Pointe Girl” the book!

So, get creative!
Post your entry on this blog!
And you just might win!

The book is inscribed
To the winner of our choice
Good luck to all y’all!
;)

Book Description

Welcome to Grosse Pointe, Michigan, where social rank is determined by the age of your money and the dryness of your martini.

The new girl in town, Emma Harris, must prove herself hip to the rigid rules of adolescent conformity. The quest for cool, she discovers, is one long final exam. To pass she must be cruel to be kind (ditching her best friend for the popular crowd), dress to impress (trading her favorite Esprit shirt for three plastic bracelets), and master the art of seduction (puckering up with Mulberry Stain or Peaches 'n' Cream lip gloss). Life is all about making choices -- the right ones.

Will Emma's social acrobatics put her on the short list for that coveted country club membership? Will the digits of her zip code pass muster? If her parents split up, will the gossip help or hurt her in the rankings? Grosse Pointe Girl serves as an indispensable road map through the dysfunction privilege brings. So put on your Guess? jeans and your jelly shoes and come along for the ride to the adolescent days that time forgot, but you never will.

Pam Houston author of Cowboys Are My Weakness Sarah Grace McCandless writes with humor and compassion and honesty about the most embarrassing time in all our lives, those terrible years between the first crush and the first orgasm. No matter which side of the tracks you come from, Grosse Pointe Girl will hit you where you live.

Joe Weisberg author of 10th Grade (an Entertainment Weekly Top Ten Book) Sarah Grace McCandless is a flat-out fantastic writer. Among her many gifts is an ability to combine laugh-out-loud humor with an unaffected, devastating sadness. The result is absolute magic -- the strange, beautiful truth about childhood revealed.

brights.

2007-09-18T19:03:00.000-04:00

“Excuse me, excuse me” I heard someone calling out behind me. “Hi, um, excuse me”. She’s standing in her doorway. When she sees that she has captured my attention she walks towards me, smiling to me and waving a bright hat. “You’re the lipstick girl”, she says, I smile. This is how she knows me. Not that I have ever introduced myself to her as “the lipstick girl”. She always comments on my lipstick. She likes it. So, she asks, “Do you think this hat is too bright” and I say, “Well, it is florescent green, so yes, it’s bright, but not too bright, you know, for being florescent green”. She laughs and puts it on. She places it atop her head with a stylish slant and says, “I just wonder if I can get away with it”. “Of course you can”, I say, “this is New York, anything goes!” She laughs and thanks me as she walks away.

exploit & project

2007-09-10T12:09:00.001-04:00

I get tired of it. I'm tired of mean spirited things that are supposed to be entertaining. Tired of watching people being exploited no matter how bizarre their behavior. Yes, we know, Britney and Lindsay are troubled. Hasn't this been the case for years? People building them up and breaking them down. I listened to Kevin & Bean on KROQ this morning and someone was speaking critically about Britney's body. WTF? I'm tired of hearing critical remarks about women's bodies. I hate articles showing women in the same dress and rating who looks better. It's such a shallow fucking world. Maybe I lack a sense humor or perhaps I'm just boring. I find none of this entertaining.

I have this really beautiful, fit, petite friend who takes care of her body, she was dating this guy who was not really in shape, had a little gut. He was always so critical of her body, pointing out little flaws like a cellulite dimple. Tired. Projection.

*
you let me down
on my knees
on the floor
out the door

*

These are just thoughts on my mind. Things are well here. I just celebrated my 6-month anniversary at the job I love. I'm settled in my new place. One of my favorite friends has just moved here. I'm busy and focused. Prolific. I told a co-worker that I have been prolific and he said that I sounded boastful, perhaps even cocky. I said, saying that I'm prolific means that I'm getting a lot accomplished. I do not claim that what I'm creating is wonderful or brilliant. It's just that I'm creating and that feels good.

can't say that I mind...

2007-09-05T14:46:00.000-04:00

Because I’m a little bit immature I found this to be funny:

Yes, I do keep watch on my amazon sales…I can not lie.

And I can’t say I mind being in the middle of a James Frey & Elizabeth Wurtzel sandwich. You might remember my issues with James Frey and the truth. I still feel that way but they say it’s (A Million Little Pieces) really well written…and I will find out for myself as I do intend to read it someday.

I haven’t been writing in my blog as of late because I’ve been reading and writing and creating and having fun.

Smoochies!

anger.

2007-08-22T12:46:00.000-04:00

they tell me that expressing anger can be healthy...
i like to do it quietly, on paper.

the bridge.

2007-08-21T09:39:00.000-04:00

August 21,2007

Oh hello…it’s raining here and I love it. I think I might be able to get away with wearing a sweater today.

I was thinking about writing an update to let you know how things are going. They are going well…I’m going through some interesting changes. I’m dissecting some things. Spreading myself as thin as possible as usual…

I was asked to write a fictional piece for a really fucking cool magazine. Don’t want to say anything yet until all is approved but I’ve been working on that. I’m quite excited about it. I like the freedom I’m having with it. I like trying to makes things fit like a puzzle. I have three thousand words to play with. I proposed a visual piece and the editor liked that idea so I started doing some of the visuals last night with pen and ink. It’s so funny, it’s kind of like when you hear musicians speak of their work and inspirations and they say it’s not like anything that they would choose consciously to create. It just comes out. That’s how I feel about some of my art. It just comes out that way and I’m not fishing for compliments, I swear but my pen and ink abstract faces…they just come out and I would like to and probably could produce something realistic but I don’t want to. I like sloppy lines of movement. I’ll share these new works at some point if you would like to see what I’m talking about. If you have a copy of Go Ask Ogre you can refer to pages 80, 103 and 178. I think the innards in my brain might look like this because most of the time when I close my eyes I see patterns and shapes. (I think everyone does, right?) But yeah…

I was asked by the NYPL to teach two more Zine Writing Workshops. I’m absolutely thrilled. The first one went very well and it was really inspiring. I think the 96th Street Branch is going to put them on their MySpace page at some point so I will let you know.

So the other night as I was on my way home the train came to an abrupt stop. We were on the Manhattan Bridge. All of us commuters just looking at each other. My immediate thought was that someone had jumped in front of the train…but I wondered, why didn’t I hear a horn? The conduction said something about an “investigation”. We all just sat there. At first everyone was quiet. I started to get a little panicky and I composed this:

*

1:09AM

Slightly disturbing. As I was having a neurotic thought about the safety of bridges the train came to an abrupt stop. We’re presently standing still. Doors closed. I don’t have a good feeling about it. Don’t want to get panicky. I think I would feel more claustrophobic in a tunnel but…not liking sitting here on the bridge, not knowing what’s going on.

*

A 20-something guy got up and attempted to open the doors. Even the emergency ones were locked. I could tell he was getting panicky. And you know how panic can fuel panic. Especially because other trains were passing us buy and I could feel the bridge shaking and I thought about the bridge collapsing and the train falling into the river. It would have been a slow death unless you broke your neck or got knocked out because you would be under water in the train car, unable to escape. It would be dark and you would probably feel the bodies of strangers upon you. (It’s morbid, I realize. And yes, I really think about this shit). But…the bright side is that I came to accept. I would not like for my life to end that way but I guess we don’t really have a choice when it comes to accidental death, right?

Soon enough the train began to move. Apparently someone hit the emergency break.

i thought so.

2007-08-20T10:08:00.001-04:00

Gloria Steinem attended my former high school.

I don't lie.

I find that quite cool.

red velvet cupcake

2007-08-17T09:17:00.000-04:00

I’m drinking the coffee that I brewed two hours ago.
It’s strong and reminds me of our first morning together.
You were still in bed and I was eating a red velvet cupcake.
Only a few hours had passed and you had transformed from a smitten, sweet and shaking tender man who squeezed me so tightly I thought I might break into a million tiny bits to a vulnerable scared little boy who wanted to run far away and fast…but not until you called me into the bedroom and asked, “will you have sex with me before you leave?” And I responded, “but of course…can I wear my boots?”
And you smiled.

this & that.

2007-08-10T12:36:00.000-04:00

It’s raining today.
I’ve been so busy as of late…not much time to write.

My friend Kimmy was in town and we had much fun eating sushi and talking about life & love.

Here is a goofy self-portrait taken with my new blackberry phone:

Kristen and I took a mini road trip to go see Evanescence and Korn at the PNC arts center. I rented a car. I was afraid and intimidated about driving in New York but it was such a breeze. Much easier than driving in Los Angeles. Drove through Staten Island. Looks like the mid west. Got to the venue. No one laughed at me for carrying an umbrella. (It was so fucking hot. I was seriously melting.)

Kristen and I had to wait for our tickets.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.

Let us in!!!

We’re in!!!

Great performances!!!

chinese whispers

2007-08-03T10:20:00.001-04:00

At first I was confused, then I was bothered and now I only care enough to post a

quicky blog about it.

...

purging.

2007-08-01T08:47:00.001-04:00

I like people who are like me and I dislike people who are like me.

I like people who are understanding and compassionate.
I dislike people who are impatient.

I like clean, organized and orderly. I like communication.
I dislike dirt, clutter and displacement. I dislike loose ends.

The more you push me, the faster I will run away from you.
The more you pout the more I withdraw.
The more you accuse and fail to understand, the less interest I will keep.

It’s not just about me. It’s not just about you. It’s about you and me and circumstances. It’s about the bigger picture. It’s about the journey on the road accomplishment and the things that bring you happiness and keep you sane. It’s about empathy and trust and how everything fits together…and how we’re supposed to learn from it.

*

I don’t understand how you keep making the same mistakes. I don’t see how you expect to be coddled. All. The. Time. I don’t understand how you keep taking and taking and taking from everyone around you and you don’t fucking appreciate it. You feel entitled. You are not entitled. People will be there for you but you’ve got to take some responsibility. How can you take from these people and then speak badly of them? It makes me not want to know you. You might think I’m harsh but I am not. I’d expect to be told the same thing. I have been told the same thing. I’ve been there, those victim traits weighing me down forcing me to try to drag the rest of the world with me…it’s not good. And people have told me in the past. “You can’t do that shit anymore”. And I took notice. So now I see you and you’re doing this shit and I don’t want to deal with it. And I feel some guilt but at the same time I wish you’d just open your fucking eyes and see what’s around you. There are people who are dealing with life as you are. Life is hard. No one has it easy but there is a difference in those who can get through it and those who cannot. The difference is in the attitude. You have a shitty attitude. You are child like. You think your life is worse than anyone’s and that everyone should have to pay for it. Something happened to you, I don’t know what it was but you have to get over it. Dissect it. Deal with it. Grow up. Take some responsibility. Once you do, you will stop pushing people away. They will enjoy your bright side. I know you have one. I’ve seen it and loved it. But you let it show so infrequently that it’s difficult sometimes to remember. I can’t force it out of you. No one can. You have to do it.

*

alcohol=de duivel

2007-07-28T10:47:00.000-04:00

As much as I love a glass of wine. Or even two glasses of wine….I think alcohol is the devil. Of course, I can say this even while consuming a glass. Of course, I’m not at the moment because it’s Saturday morning and I’m drinking coffee.

Last night this girl told me a story about woman who had been at our establishment a few nights ago. Apparently she got trashed and took a guy home. She was also engaged and the next morning the man was gone, as well as her $40,000.00 engagement ring. She came to our establishment yesterday with the police and they were conducting a full on investigation. Naturally she had told my co-workers, “Nothing happened”. (Who cares, at this point?) This woman was, understandably in a frenzy. The woman asked, “Did you see who I left with?” The people who the police spoke to confirmed that they did see the woman on the previous evening and that she was very much intoxicated. She was reportedly falling down drunk.

I swear to you I’m not judging.

So, later in the evening she called the establishment stating that someone anonymously returned the ring. We think that maybe she had stashed it somewhere and found it.

This story made me so sad.

Like I said, I enjoy wine. I like having drinks with friends but I do think that alcohol is evil. I’ve done stupid shit under the influence. And that is why whenever I see someone who is sickly drunk I cringe thinking about some of the things I’ve done. One time when I was in Europe at Oktoberfest I went home with this kind young German lad. I’ll call him V. “Nothing happened.” It’s probably one of the poorest choices I have ever made. Four steins of beer will impair your judgment. (duh) I left my group of friends that I had met at the hostel. One of them asked, “Are you sure?” I said that I was fine.

I got into a cab with V. I began to sober up once we got to his place which, was way the fuck out there. I was in a foreign country. What the fuck was I thinking?

It was kind of funny though, to arrive to his home and quietly walk upstairs. The bedroom door was slightly opened and his mother (he was visiting his parents) was saying something to him and she did not sound pleased.

When we got to his room we watched German Mtv and he told me that he had a girlfriend named Petra and that what his mother was pissed because she knew that I was not Petra. The next morning held, probably the most mortifying and humbling experiences that I could ever know.

The mother made a lovely European breakfast. It really was quite impressive (as was their home). Croissants, toast, biscuits, crackers and a nice selection of cheeses and meats. Good coffee as well. But she refused to sit with us. I had an interesting conversation with his father. I think it was interesting. I don’t speak German and his father spoke very little English but we I remember we somehow communicated how sad the recent Eurostar (the Chunnel Train) accident was.

I was a little freaked out.

After breakfast, V. was going to take me back to my hostel and we got in the car and it wouldn’t start. So we walked to the train station and he said he’d take the train back with me. It was a nice day. I was standing there with this man whom I’d met not even 24 hours prior. I imagined a birds-eye view of us. A map, like the one in my backpack. I tried to place where I was. Somewhere close to Munich. I didn’t know where the fuck I was. We got on the train and I picked up a paper that someone had left. I tried to translate it and V) said I got the gist. (I took German in high school. I know some words…plus, I think it’s much easier to read than speak or understand).

When we got to the neighborhood I was familiar with we went to have some tea. There was a part of me that just wanted to end the awkwardness but I thought that since he took the train with me all the way back, it would be polite to have tea with him). I tore the tag off of my tea bag and said, “This is so that I will remember…”. He smiled and I finished, “this exquisite cup of tea” We laughed. I took a picture of him.

We exchanged land mail addresses (this was 1997 I believe)

OK. I was drunk out of my mind. I was dancing on the table at the Hofbrau House with my friends from the hostel. I remember sitting in the cab the evening prior waiting for V. while he went in to the store to buy some (more) beer and a guy came out and I thought it was him. That’s how drunk I was. That is sick. I was luck that V. was such a gentleman. And I swear that we didn’t do anything. But I think that’s only because we were so drunk.

I can’t believe I have such strong opinions about alcohol and this is my day job. I serve people drinks all night long. I ask, “Another drink?” I feel kind dirty and devil-like. But people should know their limits, right?

A couple of years ago a good friend of mine had just gotten out of a relationship. She is a beautiful, charming girl who was with a guy who was really unhappy. The relationship had been dead for a year. She began going out a lot. Drinking a lot and picking up guys. I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m judging because I swear that I’m not. (I’m just like everyone else. I like drinking and meeting new attractive guys who find me attractive...I like making out and cuddling. I want love and hapiness too.) I guess that night I saw part of myself in my friend. She’s a few years younger than myself. She was pretty drunk. We were dancing at the Bigfoot Lodge. This guy was looking at her. She suddenly turned very childish saying stuff like “Oh, my god he’s looking at me! Oh my god! difficult to watch.

*

I’m clearly on another strange tangent. Anyway, V, the German boy kept in touch with me for awhile. He and Petra broke and he ended up and he lived in the States briefly.

And my friend mentioned above? She’s settled down a bit and has a boyfriend who is really good to her.

Anyway, I swear I’m not making judgments against behavior brought on by the consumption of alcohol. It’s a given. Alcohol impairs your judgment. It makes you lovely and amorous and cuddly and mean and sad.

i swear. i can taste it.

2007-07-25T19:37:00.001-04:00

There is nothing like scent.
As some sort of quirky, writing, character thing, I purchased some Skin Musk Perfume Oil to take me back to the 80's and I swear to god I can taste my first kiss and feel the pain of trying to fit into my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. Really, I'm lying on my bed sucking in my gut. OK wait...in the beginning of 1984 they fit OK, it was the Spring on 1984 that I had to lie down in order to zip up my jeans. Fuck, was that Love's Baby Soft? Could have been, anyway. I am wearing Skin Musk and I'm about to complete this sample chapter.

Yep. I smell the 80's in East Toledo. I am listening to Don Henley's "Boy's of Summer". I am almost focused.

*

Wanted to mention something. If you're a rejection sensitive person (like me) I recommend reading the August issue of Psychology Today. The issue is titled "Dissed" and it's really fascinating.

OK, back to work.

Please don't hate me if I owe you an email. I'm seriously busting my booty on this new book.

Smoochies to you.

~jolene

In case you're curious. THIS is what Skin Musk smells like.

SKIN MUSK

A touch is all it takes to turn on the romance.

Skin Musk is clean, fresh and sexy!
Let the soft aroma of florals, sandalwood and musk embrace you.

80's fiX

2007-07-23T11:58:00.000-04:00

What would I do without the internet?
Since I'm working on the chapters that take place in the 80's, I've been watching a lot of 80's movies and because I miss Kevin & Bean on KROQ I listen to them via the internet here in NY. And today I found out that I can listen to 80's music 24/7. I am a happy girl.

KROQ 106.7